Child Birth - What a terrifying thing !!!

[piggzy]

Expecting a birth at any moment and personally find it absolutely heart attack material.

Now you might think what a pussy but if I am honest ... this is number 6.

6 you exclaim.

Well 3 with first marriage and ex cheating slag. (Technically 1 not mine but raised her as mine as wasn't aware for a while)

Now with second wife so number 3 for the second time ( well nearly ).

It still scares the fuck out of me. I have seen 12 hours births and 45 minute ones. Surgery, forceps, blood up the wall, the whole fucking shebang and I am enough of a cunt to be here again.
What a proper cunt. Saw a mate get the snip done and either he was a proper pussy or it is fucking horrible. He couldn't walk for 10 days so put me right off.

Any way I rant away .. I will never have another child no MATTER WHAT.

Hopefully one of them will care for me when the Tories take my pension, cash, assets, and dignity !!!!

[flumperino]

lol, good luck mate

[MHP]

How the hell can you afford 6 kids! I've got 2 and they have cost me a fortune.

[satzzz]

Not had any. Keep them the fuck away from me. Horrible little things

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[Teajunkie]

Well done mate we have just had number 4!

he is now 4 weeks old and our girls are 16, 18, and 21 so there's a big gap between this one so it's like starting all over again.

When we had charlie the wife bled like fuck it was everywhere and a LOT of it too.
I did piss myself laughing when the wife's waters broke and squirted all over the midwife and I mean all over.
it was over her face and I'm sure it even went in her mouth (i was laughing but almost puking at the same time)

when my missus went for a bath afterwards it was like a horror film the amount of blood was shocking.
Im not kidding!!

so what's the ages of your others now?

[Nathz29]

Mines 3 and a half and after the first one, I can't see why anyone would want anymore!
She's super wouldn't be without her but kids are a time and money black hole!

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[cyprus]

We only have the one, he's 14 months old now.

I remember the moments before he popped out. A literal jet of blood and other horrific juices shot out the missus at high velocity which the doctor and midwives had to duck out the way of. The fucking thing must have jumped 3-4 metres across the room.

I was by her head so didn't see too much detail down there but after he was born I was walking around while they sewed her up. Again, I never looked directly but out the corner of my eye all I could see was crimson and pink. Like a fucking xenomorph had ripped itself out of her.

[piggzy]

so what's the ages of your others now?

My older 3 are 19, 17 & 15.

My younger brood are 6, 3 & about to be !!!

WTF is wrong with me... I only just turned 40 so knocked the older ones out at a very young age.

[satzzz]

No wonder you lot are skint!

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[beansontoast]

We only have the one, he's 14 months old now.

I remember the moments before he popped out. A literal jet of blood and other horrific juices shot out the missus at high velocity which the doctor and midwives had to duck out the way of. The fucking thing must have jumped 3-4 metres across the room.

I was by her head so didn't see too much detail down there but after he was born I was walking around while they sewed her up. Again, I never looked directly but out the corner of my eye all I could see was crimson and pink. Like a fucking xenomorph had ripped itself out of her.

My mate and his wife had their second recently and by caesarean this time. He said he was so happy he looked round the curtain at his wife and went pale. He said to her afterwards he couldn't believe she was still alive ��

[rmj2663]

I was advised years ago to 'stay at the head end, or you won't be going back 'there' again'.
Stuck by that advice for all 3 of mine, thank God after hearing some horror stories.

Good luck mate.

BTW there is a big gap between my 2nd & 3rd, and as TJ says it is like starting again - so fooking expensive!!

[Teajunkie]

Don't get into money :O

car seat and base £400
buggy and clips for car seat £800
cot and Moses basket £200
cot set £80
bouncy chair £50
lay gym £50
play mat £50
Baby monitors £179
steriliser and bottles £75

and the fucking list goes on and on.

[{{909}}]

got one, that's more than enough. My brain can't comprehend what it would be like to have 2, let alone 6.

[piggzy]

At the last one it was a water birth and she had a doula, the doula said after 10 minutes.. "Look, the head is out" Without thinking, I did. Fucks sake, I will not be repeating that mistake.
People should not be hanging out of other people.

[stevo25]

My mate and his wife had their second recently and by caesarean this time. He said he was so happy he looked round the curtain at his wife and went pale. He said to her afterwards he couldn't believe she was still alive ��

Both my kids were born by cesarean, it was funny watching them slit her open like a stuffed pig, not that much blood. when my daughter was born, the guy who sliced my ex open had just been in the canteen eating a jacket spud, because I sat near him unknowingly. He turned to us bot after the delivery, had a huge smile on his face and said "You have now replicated yourselves with a son and a daughter!" strange bloke

[littlebilly1]

The wife and I welcomed our 5th in to the world 3 weeks ago, however we only have 3 children at home after suffering a 20 week miscarriage with our third and a 4 week neonatal death with our 4th who was 13 weeks prem, congrats to all who have just become parents again or are expecting 👍
And staying head end is definitely recommended, put me off offal for life 😁

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[consoles]

Word of advice for anyone not yet had kids, stay top side during birth, the sight of that swelled up fuck tunnel will put you off tongue punching it for a long time to come its like a fecking wizards sleeve with a baby hippo yawning from inside.

[ivrytwr3]

Tubes tied time?

[burner1]

Congrats mate. I've got 4 kids that I know of and been there for the birth of two of them. Amazing to watch and have so many good memories of watching my little babies grow into adults.

[Mystical_2K]

congrats mate, not got any myself but would like some in the future.

However based on what you fuckers have all wrote above, I dont think i want to be in the same building when shes popping it out, let alone staying at the head-end!

sounds like a more intense version of Hellraiser