funny comedians

[MeMoReX]

i was watching some comedy centrals + hbo showcases, and i'm really starting to like stand up comedians? who are your favorites and what are some of your favorite quotes? i like this guy jeremy hotz (on comedy central), jerry seinfeld (old, but still good), and chris rock. some of my favorite comedian jokes:


"if you know the name of any male porn star other than ron jeremy, you may be addicted to porno." - chris rock

"you think they're going to cure aids? NO! they can't even cure atlethes foot" -chris rock

"i was in hollywood a little while ago, and i kinda liked it, the only problem was everyone thinks there in show business. i went to a gas station, and the attendant told me he used to be a porn star, i kinda believed him too, since half way through pumping the gas he pulled out the nozzle and poured gas all over my car." -cant remember name

anyone else got any good ones? (those arent direct quotes, just writing what i remember)

[b00gada]

louis black

[jiggaben]

my favorite stand up comic, at least on comedy central(which i am truly addicted to, with standup and SNL and the man show, and the daily show, why NOT watch it all the time?) is jeremy hotz, he is so great. my friend and i could stop laughing after just a single set of jokes.

[afropik]

Mitch Hedburg

[t69]

Originally posted by MeMoReX

"i was in hollywood a little while ago, and i kinda liked it, the only problem was everyone thinks there in show business. i went to a gas station, and the attendant told me he used to be a porn star, i kinda believed him too, since half way through pumping the gas he pulled out the nozzle and poured gas all over my car." -cant remember name

[/B]

ROFLMAO

[MeMoReX]

david spade is also really funny doing stand up.

[t69]

Sean Majumder .... "Yeah i'm lookin for a hot girl man HOT girl, kinda girl you can brag about in confession eh ... now that's a hot girl heh ... forgive me father for uh, i have SINNED AGAIN MAN!!!! oh father remember last week i was tellin ya we were in the elevator, ah father come out come around lemme show ya. .... "

[culov]

Carrot Top












































































NOT!

[z0nk]

'eddy murphy - raw' is funny as fuck

[PiZzAmAn]

George Bush

[Vinnie]

Jeremy Hotz > *

[cf79]

"Martin Luther King always stood up for peace, didn't he? But chances are that where ever you are in America, if you're on MLK Blvd, there's some violence goin' down"
-Chris Rock

"That's what's wrong with black society today... Too many Niggaz"
-Dave Wallace

"I only fuck em' Doggy Style. why? Number one... They're usually ugly as fuck. Number two.. if you have to get out there in a hurry and you don't wanna' finish, you just pop them in the back of the head with a wine bottle and jet"
-Andrew Dice Clay

"Yeah we were really gettin' out asses kicked there, but I look at it this way; If your gettin' raped, you might as well just lay back and enjoy the ride."
-Bobby Knight (Press Conference)

"What's the deal with Ovaltine. The container is round. The glass is round. They should call it 'Roundtine"
-Banya (Seinfeld)

[Mister E]

Dave Chapelle is funny as hell.Especially when he is on Conan O'Brien

[sauce]

Dave Attell
Louis Black

[antix]

Eli Yatzpan
Adir Miller

[Da Cap'n]

Mitch Hedburg
Dane Cook
Brian Regan
Jake Johansen
Dave Atel

[Al2chan93L]

is there a site with these stand up quotes? some of these are freakin hilarious thats why im hooked on comedy central and comic view

[jiggaben]

that one negro from SNL tracy something, is having standup tomorrow night, monnight on comedy central. check it out

[Seraphim]

George Bush

[Just Saul]

Sara Silverman

"I went to the bathroom, you know backstage, the ladies room was out of order. I had to use the mens room. Just so humiliating you know, just sitting in that urinal."

"Everythings good, you know I have a good boyfriend. Actually yesterday I was licking jelly off of him. And all of a sudden I'm thinking 'Oh my god I'm turning into my mother.'"

"I'm easy, I'm easy to please. I don't wear any fancy jewelry. Although there is this one jewel, I know I'm going to sound like such a jap, and by jap I mean japenese, there is this one jewel and its so beautiful its really rare, its only found on the tip of the tailbone of fujian babies. Yeah they actually have to debone the baby. But if you saw it, its so worth it. Its like a diamond, but with that baby smell. But I have a moral issue with it though, because they're treating the unions that debone the babies really bad"

"I'm doing comedy to get into stripping. I've been wanting to be a stripper ever since I was molested."

"I'm pretty popular, I have a lot of friends. I'm so mad at my chinese friend. He went pee pee in my coke. And he's like 'Oh me chinese me play joke' I'm like, if you have to explain it, its not funny."