A Man's Tale of Woe

[ibobsy]

I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so
much.

And I never have figured out the whole Mars & Venus thing.

And, I never have figured out why men think with their head and women with
their heart.

And, I never yet have figured out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown
into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do".

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, we start touching, feeling and I am
thinking tonight is a green light!!!! Then out of no where she says, "I
don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??" So she says the words that I and every husband on the
planet dreads. She explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional
needs as a woman. I'm thinking, "What was her first clue?"

I finally realize that nothing is going to happen that night, so I went to
bed.

The very next day we went shopping at a big unnamed department store.

I walked around while she tried on three very expensive outfits. She
couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her to take all three of them.

She then tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200 each to which I
say OK.

And then we go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond
earrings. Let me tell you . . . she was so excited. She must have thought
that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared.

I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she
doesn't even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her
that it was OK.

She was almost sexually excited from all of this and you should have seen
her face when she said, "I'm ready to go, let's go to the cash register."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No, honey. I don't feel
like buying all this stuff now. "

You should have seen her face . . . it went completely blank. I then said,
"Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. "

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "You
must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man."

I figure that I should be having sex again sometime during the spring thaw
2005.

[philo]

Sweet Revenge