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Thread: coffin

  1. #1
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    Default coffin

    Late last Saturday night , a young chap was walking home from a club. It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of the street lights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin.

    Then suddenly he heard a strange noise.......






    ......BUMP........








    ......BUMP........








    ......BUMP........








    Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road.






    ......BUMP........








    ......BUMP........








    ......BUMP........






    He froze to the spot, he couldn't believe his eyes, as the box approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly....

    It was a coffin.

    Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started walking briskly home.






    ......BUMP........








    ......BUMP........








    ......BUMP........








    He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking faster.........








    ......BUMP........BUMP.......








    ......BUMP........BUMP.......








    ......BUMP........BUMP........








    The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he heard the coffin speed up after him......








    ......BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...








    ......BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...








    ......BUMP........BUMP...BUMP...








    He started to sprint, but so did the coffin .......








    ...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.....






    ...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.....






    ...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP.....






    Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys, his
    hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside slamming the
    front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and slumped into his comfy chair.






    Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through the
    front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase.....










    ...BUMP...SCREACH...BUMP...SCREACH...








    ...BUMP...SCREACH...BUMP...SCREACH...








    ...BUMP...SCREACH...BUMP...SCREACH...








    ...BUMP...SCREACH...BUMP...SCREACH...






    In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door........








    ...BUMP...SCREACH...HOP...BUMP...SCREACH...HOP...








    ...BUMP...SCREACH...HOP...BUMP...SCREACH...HOP...








    ...BUMP...SCREACH...HOP...BUMP...SCREACH...HOP...








    The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched
    itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the bathroom door flew
    off its hinges.....

    The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young terrified lad.








    ...BUMP...SCREACH...BUMP...SCREACH...








    ...BUMP...SCREACH...BUMP...SCREACH...








    ...BUMP...SCREACH...BUMP...SCREACH...






    In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom cabinet......






    He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the coffin.......still it came ........










    ...BUMP...SCREACH...BUMP...SCREACH...








    He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it ........still it came......








    ...BUMP...SCREACH...BUMP...SCREACH...








    He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it ......still it came......








    ...BUMP...SCREACH...BUMP...SCREACH...








    He grabbed some Venos cough mixture and threw it........






    ......








    ......








    ......








    ......








    ......








    ......








    ......








    ......








    .....the coffin stopped.


    Its better to burn out than to fade away...............

  2. #2
    DF VIP Member maverick_15's Avatar
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    thats so shite its good

  3. #3
    DF VIP Member Gavin M's Avatar
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    Default

    should be an advert

  4. #4
    DF VIP Member psibob84's Avatar
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    Default

    Lol

  5. #5
    Argyll's Apprentice TwoPlAnKs's Avatar
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    i am super tempted to memorise all of that and tell it at school on monday, and on all other possible times

  6. #6
    DF MaSter dazza's Avatar
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    ????????????????????????????

  7. #7
    Argyll's Apprentice TwoPlAnKs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dazza
    ????????????????????????????
    are you confused about my amazing joke telling plan, or about the joke itself?

  8. #8
    DF VIP Member DEC2K's Avatar
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    lmao wor lass not like it ha ha ha wimen doh !!

  9. #9
    DF Member DSR's Avatar
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    i don't get it

  10. #10
    DF VIP Member DEC2K's Avatar
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    venos is a cough mixture lmao

    the coffin stopped

    ha ha ha

  11. #11
    DF Member DSR's Avatar
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    ITs THE VENOS I DONT GET.

    A I dont do the shopping
    B Their are other medicines
    c I never get a koff.

    Dead good joke though

  12. #12
    DF VIP Member mladen's Avatar
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    Like maverick said. It's so shite it's good, and I agree it should be made into an advert. Why dont you send that to Veno's and see what they think? You never know they might even employ you to direct it for them
    Mladen

  13. #13
    DF VIP Member Godscrasher's Avatar
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    God i remember that, i was told that when i was 13 i think iam 22 now, but back then he threw TUNES.

    Still good tho.

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