Got nicked for speeding

**lurch** · 25th February 2005

I was driving down the M40 the other day, going a little faster than I should have been,
when I passed under a bridge I saw a copper with a speed gun pointing at me.
He pulled me up and came to the car and sicasticully said, runway a little short sir', I said sorry but I am late for work, he asked me what I did, I told him that I am a RECTUM STRETCHER, he looked puzzled and asked me what the job involved? I told him that first you start with one finger, work up to 2, 3, 4, and then the whole hand, then you move it left to right until you can get both hands in, then you stretch it until you get a six foot hole. He looked even more puzzled, what do you do with a six foot asshole, he asked. I said well you give a speed gun and stand them the other side of a bridge.

Fine �150
Court Costs �35
Look on coppers face priceless