Marital Definitions
--- BACHELOR: A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable.BRIDE:A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
--- COMPROMISE:An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to
let her have her own way.
--- DIPLOMAT:A man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.
--- GENTLEMAN:A husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall
while she paints the ceiling. A man who, when his wife drops her knitting, kicks it over to her so that she can easily pick it up.
--- HOUSEWORK:What the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn't do it.
--- HUSBAND:A man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.
--- JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT:A handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.
--- LOVE:An obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.MISS:A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.
--- MISTRESS:Something between a mister and a mattress.
--- MOTHER-IN-LAW:A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a
piece of hers.
--- SPOUSE:Someone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have
had if you'd stayed single in the first place.
--- WIFE:A mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at
the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.
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