Leeds Utd Jokes + Liverpool Jokes
Q. What's the difference between a Leeds fan and a coconut?
A. One's thick and hairy, and the other's a tropical fruit.
Q: What's the difference between a Pyromaniac and Leeds football club?
A: A Pyromaniac wouldn't throw away all his matches!
Q: What has 70,000 arms and an IQ of 170
A: Elland road every other Saturday.
Q: Why do people take an instant dislike to anyone from Leeds?
A: It saves time
Q: What do you call a Leeds fan in a 2 bedroomed Semi?
A: A burglar
Q: How can you tell when Leeds are losing? A: It's five past three.
Q: What do you call a Leeds fan with many girlfriends? A: A Shepherd
Q: What did Lee Bowyer say when he took a girl out for the night?
A: Fancy an Indian?
Q: What do you call 20 Leeds fans sky-diving? A: Diarrhoea
Q: What have General Pinochet and Leeds United have in common?
A: They both round people up into football stadiums and torture them.
Elland Road Boss Peter Risdale has sacked David Leary and employed a new Chinese manager.
His name: Win One Soon
Q: What do you say to a Leeds United fan with a job?
A: Can I have a Big Mac please!
Gerard Houllier: "Our new Winger cost five million. I call him our wonder player"
Sir Alex Ferguson: "Why's that?"
Gerard Houllier: "Everytime he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him!"
Q: Why will Liverpool never win the League?
A: They keep scoring Owen goals
Q: How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Yeah, as if they have electricity in Liverpool...
Q: What's is the differance between Pamela Anderson and the Liverpool goal?
A: Pam's only got two tits in front of her
Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Liverpool supporter and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty quid note. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course - the other 3 are mythical creatures.
Q: What do Pool Fans and sperm have in common?
A: One in 2,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Q: How can you tell a level headed Liverpool supporter?
A: He dribbles from both sides of his mouth - at the same time.
Q: What do you get if you cross a Liverpol fan with a pig?
A: Thick bacon...
A father and son were eating breakfast. The fathers newspaper had the headline "Van Gogh sold for £8 million".
The son asked "is he worth it, Dad?", to which the father, surprised at his son's interest in fine art, replied "I suppose so, son. Why do you ask?"
The son said "Well, Liverpool paid more than that for Stan Collymore, and he was crap"
Newsflash: Thieves broke into the home of a Liverpool fan and stole two books. "The thing that upsets me", he said "is that I hadn't finished colouring them in yet!"
Q: What do you get if you cross a Monkey with a Liverpudlian?
A: Nothing. The monkeys are far too clever to screw a Liverpudlian.
Q: What is the difference between a battery and a Scowser fan?
A: A battery has a positive side.
Q: Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
A: So they ain't mistaken fur a Liverpudlian women.
Q: Why did Beardsley never play in Scotland
A: Cos he wiz afraid of the Bells (Scottish Premier)
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Originally Posted by wiggi28
Losing Gracefully Since September 2010
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