How big was the fattest bird you've ever shagged?

[reverend]

Oh shit, what can I say, it's bank holiday weekend, I've been getting totally wasted, and I shagged the fattest bird I've ever seen on Thursday night!

It was bad, very messy really, bags of flour all over the joint, and I'd dropped some Viagra as backup to cover up the fact I'd had a load of Stella, and the second I got a look at her in all her glory I lost Mr Woody!

Let's just say it's the first time in my life I've tried thinking of Pat Butcher to actually GET a touch on, it was that bad!!

I'm regretting it big style now as she wants to get serious and I've got a few birds who are up for rattling tonight, not sure what to do!

She must have been at least 20 stone, that's got to be some kind of record surely

You lost must have some right horror stories too?!

[flanflinger]

could show you photo's but I wont... coz it will damage my ego forever

[cronus71]

When I was 16 or 17 I ended up with what then seemed like an elephant. Of course she was not really that big, chubby perhaps, but you know how you are at that age. Anyhow, we ended up n bed, I passed out, but with my fingers up her pussy In the morning I gave her money for the taxi, not sure I was able to look her in the eyes.

My friends wouldn't let that go for ages.

Quite a number of years later, when I became a civilian from the military, I met her in a pub, OMG she was hot as hell, she really looked good. So now I don't feel so bad about the whole thing

[Subby]

more cushin for the pushin!

but damn 20 stone is pretty big! =/

[reverend]

Go on, photos for the lads, fecking wrong, this one was massive, I'm a fat fecker anyway but she makes me look thin lol!

I'm gonna have to do a few anorexic birds now to bring the scales back into order, to be fair it's quite cool though cos I was fingering her and she had a huge belly so it was having one of those wrist rests that you get for the keyboard, could have done it for hours without carpal tunnel kicking in!

[burner1]

When I was a lad on leave years ago, I pulled this big girl, and it's not normally something I would do, I'm into the slimmer ones normally, but I was absoloutly arseholed and she must have thought it was christmas. Went back to hers and after a while of shagging, I sobered up a little and made my excuses and went. I remember about 10 years later I was driving through town and seen her (One and only fattie I laid so I would never forget it lol), she was walking along with this young lad who looked vaguely similar to my oldest boy

[flanflinger]

lol days in the forces I shagged a few whales .... we all did a hole is a goal so to speak... but there was one and I have a picci of... fook me she's make 3 of me and I am 18st

[reverend]

"What's a hole" - that's what my mates were saying to try and cheer me up til they feckin saw this one!

Maybe it's the same bird mate :o

Get the pic up, good for a laugh, we've all been there mate !!

[mcdee]

very messy really, bags of flour all over the joint

were you cooking or ****ing

[cronus71]

...she was walking along with this young lad who looked vaguely similar to my oldest boy

That's a bit scary, no condom then?

[burner1]

Just found some pics of a mate, he'd come round mine and get wasted, he either falls asleep and the kids take the piss as in pic one....

Spoiler:

Or he invites the first bird he talks to on faceparty around... ha ha, he regrets that, don't let the fake smile fool ya, he's shitting bricks

Spoiler:

[Shambles]

LOL at pic #2

How spooky that he's reading a copy of "TV Easy" ;-)

[reverend]

were you cooking or ****ing

:

I was trying to find the wet spot - didn't need the flour though because she was like the River Humber

That bird is well scary in pic two, she's got that look where she's gonna eat him alive!!!

She looks a bit like that bloke out Slither!

[cronus71]

Spoiler:

His thoughts: Come on burner, help me out here, come up with an excuse to leave the house!

Her thoughts: If he moves I'll sit on his face!

His thoughts: OMFG I can hear her thoughts!

[richie-rich]

a mate of mine managed to hook this beached whale....

Spoiler:

....sorry speshal i know i promised to never share it (again) but bwahahahha




diclaimer: this is not actually speshal, it is from dumpalink.com, i very quickly shopped it a little

[{{909}}]

as soon as i saw this thread titlei knew it was by reverend after what he said in pm, heh

20 stone must have been a big momma! not really surprused in chesterfield tho.

[cronus71]

a mate of mine managed to hook this beached whale....

Spoiler:

....sorry speshal i know i promised to never share it (again) but bwahahahha




diclaimer: this is not actually speshal, it is from dumpalink.com, i very quickly shopped it a little

HAHAHAHA! That looks just like one of the cabins on the ferries that operate between Finland and Sweden. She is ****ing horrible though!

[burner1]

His thoughts: Come on burner, help me out here, come up with an excuse to leave the house!

Her thoughts: If he moves I'll sit on his face!

His thoughts: OMFG I can hear her thoughts!

ha ha, something like that mate.. I remember when he first brought it round mine, he made sure he got in the room quick enough to give me the wide eyes, gritted teeth routine and say "Don't say a ****ing thing".
When he was sat there and she went for a shit, I said "I'm sure if you move to the other chair and stay perfectly still, it won't see you, I think they can only clock a moving object".

I warned him about the perils of FP, I told him someone with no pic and describes themselves as 'average' body type is probably lying.

[kracken]

As long as she wasnt like this you will be ok

[Shambles]

Spoiler: