Some (updated) Nursery Rhymes
Not the newest stuff around, but I haven't heard all of these, and I searched a couple and found nothing, but I've got my coat ready just in case.
Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her Thighs
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front
...but she didn't wear that one very often
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Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
Pies, you dxxkhead.
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Humpty Dumpty
sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "F*** him, He's only an egg.
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Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's arse
and turned it's wool to nylon
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Georgie Porgy pudding and pie.
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too, cause he was gay.
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Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill
And now there's little Franky.
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Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over
Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own.
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Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear
I often saw her little lamb
but never saw her bear
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Hickory dickory dock
3 mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one
and the other 2 escaped with minor injuries
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MARY HAD A LITTLE PIG,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little *******.
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MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
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JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
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JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To Fetch a roll of Cheese
Jack camedown with beaming smile
and his trousers round his Knees.
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HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
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THE BOY STOOD ON THE BURNING DECK
Playing a game of cricket,
The ball rolled up his trouser leg
and stumped his middle wicket
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GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he's funny that way'.
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THERE WAS A LITTLE GIRL who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.
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Mary had a little Lamb,
it ran into a Pylon.
10,000 volts shot up it's arse
and turned it's fleece to Nylon.
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LITTLE MISS MUFFET,
Sat on a tuffet,
Her knickers all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider,
who sat down beside her,
but Little Boy Blue on the horn!
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MARY had a little lamb,
She kept it in a bucket.
And every time the lamb got out,
the sheepdog tried to ............put it back in again
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Mary had a little lamb....
and the midwife fainted.
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Originally Posted by barghest
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