Getting Married

[Crilly]

First of all, no i'm not getting married, i'm just after peoples views on it. I've been getting a lot of stick at work that i should get married.

My situation is that i have been with my partner for 15 years, we have two wonderful sons, Will (5) and Sam 1 1/2. I'm not religious at all and only go to church for other peoples weddings. My partner Maxine has never pushed me into getting married so i see no reason.

The only problem with not being married is that the two boys have a different surname to Max.

We have a good relationship and fail to see what we would acheive by being married.

What are your views.

[chubblies]

Marriage means very little these days, I will never get married unless forced to do so, and from what you say about your life, it will change absolutely nothing.
My view is that if you live with someone and you are happy, then that is all you need, what is the point in having a ring on your finger to "prove" it...

Plus if it was me, as soon as the vicar said "we are gathered here is the house of God", I would have to walk out

[Shambles]

Such a quick reply as this might suggest I've not thought through this answer to your post, but I've been with our Shaz since 1990 and we're not married. No intentions to either.

In the olden days it was tax-efficient to get married in March, to get the previous 11 months tax back as "relieved". That no longer applies, obviously, since MaggieT decided that the IR would be better served not rewarding married couples with such rebates.

These days the ease which which divorces are granted, and the hardship "afforded" against the non-resident partner, render marriage "undesirable" (perhaps, imho) and expensive to boot. I'm sure I read somewhere that the typical 2000's marriage has typically less than %29 chance of survival. I'll try to locate a link to support that comment.

My view, is stay as you are and don't let a small thing like a surname bother you or your partner or your children.

I'm 47 btw and have 3 smashing kids (aged 22, 19 and 13) and am divorced.

[lin]

As long as you have all the tax, inheritance, money and custody (in case of bereavement) issues sorted, have made wills and have property and such in joint names you should be fine.

If the surname thing becomes a problem she can change her name by deed poll or you could have a civil marriage, and ask for no mention of God in it.

[Shambles]

.. you could have a civil marriage, and ask for no mention of God in it.

No wiser words have ever been posted on DF, imho

[shitball]

Bollox to em all mate been with my wife for 24 years,lost a house,lost a buisness,been abroad 18 times,got 2 girls,back on course hahahhaa it's my 40th next year and guess what! we are having our vows renewed and looking at the f**king prices sod that i'm off on no:19 holiday without the kids...but that will cost..

[shitball]

plus change the name de-pold

[lampshade]

Had the Old bill turn up twice to my wedding reception after my side of the family got fighting with other guest's, My dad refused to pay the bill cos' he wasnt happy with the hotel.
Was taken to court for "outstanding cost's and 2 trashed room's"

Wife says it was the worst day of her life

But on the upside, I finally got my Brown Wings that night, so I can honestly say that it was worth it

[burner1]

If both you and you're partner are not religious, don't get married, simple as that mate.

[Nikki]

im still quite young, but thinking about it and seeing people go through marriages both good and bad, if noone stresses about it then id not get married, i spose of the othe rhalf is on about it alot then you have to consider your options best for yourself

[urbsy]

I've been with my intended since 1996 and marriage has never been something we have been interested in as far as I was aware.
She got pissed that I announced that we were moving in a weeks time after buying a house without telling her, these things happen ffs, 'I forgot'

This is where the fun started, I was getting the 'I've no security' bollox so thought I'd do right by her and build a decent house for us both split 50/50 even though she had no equity of her own, sorted I thought

Oh no, two years on and I'm getting 'All my friends are getting married, peeps keep asking me when we're next', it's fuck all to do with the fact I don't want to marry her, I just don't see why we should rock the boat tbh.

I don't want the hassle, I don't want the 'she had hand encarved balloons at her wedding', I don't want the 'her wedding cost more then mine' shite.

The marriage talk in our house is thicker then cam atm and I'm running out of pardons.
Why the fuck she'd want to marry a pissed up, drugged up and worn out idiot is beyond me tbh, women, we will never understand em.

urbsy

[blacksheep]

You do get slight tax breaks still I believe

http://www.hmrc.gov.uk/taxback/info49.htm

and also you may get slight reductions in things such as insurance etc

edit

but wether that outweighs the cost of the wedding....

[God is a DJ]

if it ent broke, dont fix it - seeing as uve been happily together for so long, you must be doing things rite as u are. Tell the ppl giving u stick to fuck of nd mind their own business

DJ

[ruggie_uk]

I've been with my wife for 12 and a half years now - but married for just over 2, for her it was the proof she was wanting that I was never going to leave and for me it was to keep her quiet and to get my eldest son's name(and birth certificate) amended to my own and to be same as his brothers.
I really don't see the need as such these days, but it made my wife and my children very happy(for a day) which made it worth it.
We did it on the cheap as we were buying out first house at the same time but we had a great time and piss up.

[BM]

If you both want to get married, do it. If you dont, dont. Screw what anyone else thinks.

[ubergaz]

I'm 47 btw and have 3 smashing kids (aged 22, 19 and 13) and am divorced.

tut tut. I'll be sure to let Kirsty know she's lost a year (she turned 20 a month ago)

[B.I.G.]

I don't think marriage is about religion at all now for most people (registry offices rule,in and out in ten minutes then on the ale).

Most couples already live together have a mortgage and kids so there is no benefit from it but then there are no real drawbacks.

If you have commited to all the above the odds are you have no plans to leave your bird then marriage makes no odds either way as it's less of a commitment than a mortgage or kids.

As you say your bird never brings it up so she must be happy the way things are so i wouldn't be pressured into asking her because someone says you should.

I've been married for 8 years and have no regrets in the least but i wouldn't try and convince anyone that they should get married.It's entirely up to the couple.

[lin]

Just harping back to my earlier post about taking care of things, this site gives some useful information on what to expect if you are living together as a couple and something goes wrong (split, death, etc)

Please give it a read, I'm not assuming you will split up but death is fairly inevitable, and a few minutes reading is a small price to pay for being prepared.

http://www.advicenow.org.uk/livingtogether

[ubergaz]

death is fairly inevitable

You got yourself a plan then?

[Raymondo206]

Don't do it if you don't feel the need to.

I would however get the childrens names changed over.

(I have just done this and its not too much aggro.)