Swearing in the workplace

**Roach-Rampino** · 1st December 2006

EDICT from HR
Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the course
of normal conversation with their colleagues. Due to complaints
received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of
language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to
accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.

Therefore, a list of 13 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have
been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can
continue in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING: I think you could do with more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't have a f*cking clue, do you?

2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f*cking power-crazy b*tch.

3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f*ck do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: F*ck off a*se-wipe.

5) TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: Well f*ck me backwards with a telegraph pole.

6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a f*ck.

7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: Not my f*cking problem, mate.

8 ) TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f*ck?

9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.
INSTEAD OF: No f*cking chance mate.

10 ) TRY SAYING: It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f*ck didn't you tell me that yesterday?

11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his f*cking a*se.

12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Oi, f*ck face.

13) TRY SAYING: Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway.
INSTEAD OF: Yeah, who needs f*cking holidays anyway.

Thank You,
Human Resources