When you need to visit a public loo there is invariably a line of women
waiting, you smile politely and take your place in the line, it finally
gets to your turn, you check for feet under the cubicle doors.

Every cubicle is occupied.
But eventually a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the
woman leaving the cubicle.

You get in to find the door wonıt lock. It doesnıt matter, the wait has
been so long and you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the
modern "seat covers" is handy, but empty. You would hang your bag on
the door hook if there was one, but there isnıt so you carefully, but
quickly drape it around your neck, yank down your pants and assume "the position".
In this position your ageing, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.
You would love to sit down, but you certainly hadnıt taken time to wipe
the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "the position".

To take your mind off your trembling thighs for a moment you reach for
the toilet paper dispenser and your worst nightmare itıs empty, the
toilet roll dispenser is empty. You hover looking around in the hope there's
a new roll behind you no such luck. Your thighs start to shake
more.
Then you remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday
the one thatıs still in your handbag, which is now burning your neck &
shoulders with the weight. So you contort your arm into a very
unnatural position and start to fumble around in the deep dark depths of
your
handbag for that small crumpled used tissue no bigger than your
thumbnail.
Someone pushes your cubicle door and because the latch doesn't work the
door hits your head, which is bent forward from you holding your bag
around your neck while you are rummaging for that used tissue, the door
takes you by surprise and you start to lose your balance and topple
backwards.
"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach to push the door shut and drop the
precious, tiny, crumpled tissue you had only just managed to retrieve
with your index finger into an 'unknown' puddle on the floor.

If that isn't enough you lose your balance altogether, or just give up
and... sit down ... directly onto the TOILET SEAT.

Yes - it's wet! You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late.
Your thighs and bottom have made contact with every imaginable germ &
life form that lives on the uncovered seat.
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so
confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of cold water like a fire
hose into the bowl which causes a spray of fine mist that completely
covers your bum and runs downs your legs along with all the various life
forms and down into your dishevelled pants which have now dropped to
your
ankles with your hems soaking up that puddle from the floor.

The flush seems to suck everything down with such force that you grab
onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the
wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe your self with a
piece of gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out
inconspicuously to the sinks.

You cannot figure out how to operate the tap, so run your hands
underneath it grateful for the two drops of water there and around the
basin itself.
You go to the towel dispenser past the line of women still waiting,
where of course there are no paper towels so you more onto the hand
blower, which yes you've guessed it that doesn't work either!
>
You're no longer able to smile politely to the women, but there's an
unspoken understanding between you all.
A kind soul at the very end of the line of women points out that you
have a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. Where was that
when you NEEDED IT??? You yank the paper from your shoe, plonk it in the
woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".

As you exit you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and
left the men's. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is
your handbag hanging around your neck?"
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with public loos. It
also helps explain to the men why it really does take us women so long
and it also answers that commonly asked question why do women always go to
the loos in pairs?

It's so your friend can hold the door, hang onto your bag and pass you
tissue under the door!