William on logic :D

[tam9]

sorry for the poor formatting, too much work to re-do, read them all, haha there great


WILLIAM ON LOGIC

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence

and
you
shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on William.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
thinking."

Then William says, "I have a question for YOU.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice
cream .
The
second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is

biting the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which William replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the
wedding
ring on," but I like your thinking."


WILLIAM KENNY ON ENGLISH
William goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going
to
learn
multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example o f a
multi-syllable word?"

William says "Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, William , that's a mouthful."

William says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a bl0wjob."


WILLIAM ON GRAMMAR
William was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
to go to the bathroom.
He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a p1ss!!"

The teacher replied, 'Now, William , that is NOT the proper word
to
use
in
this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I
will allow you to
go."

William, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if

you
had
bigger boobs, you'd be a TEN!"


WILLIAM ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
show
of
hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same
sentence
twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father
bought
my
mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on
Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
beautifully."

She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
called on William.

"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she

was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!'"


WILLIAM ON GETTING OLDER
William was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
after another.

After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son,
you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give
you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

William replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

William answered, "No, he minded his own f....... business.

[Stinky Pete]

I'm pretty sure this has been told here but it fits the theme so fuck ya's

lil johnny's teacher asks the class to come up with a sentence with the word "contagious" in it

Mary's hand is first up (easy lads), and teacher asks for her idea

"I had a bit of a cold and my mother, who's a nurse, (cheeky little johnny briggs reference there) said I should stay odd school because I might be contagious"

Well Done Mary, she says, and looks about the class for another contributor.

Johnny's hand is up, but she is sure he cant smuttify this lesson up, so she asks him anyway.

"Miss, my next door neighbour is painting the outside of his house with a model brush. My Dad says it'll take the contagious"