Why Alex will seal BB9's fate
CHANNEL 4, Thursday, and half an hour into Zero Tolerance night I’ve sussed the new “token system”.
There’s a token gay, a token albino, a token blind transvestite and a token Thai over-eater.
But then, just when you’re expecting one lapsed Muslim, two come along at once. Thereby splitting the crucial lapsed Muslim vote.
Oh yes, happiness is — a man with a Bring Back National Service petition on the launch night of Big Brother 9.
A series, and evening, that’s now almost impossible to enjoy unless you’re in the 14 to 30 bracket (age or IQ). Yet it kicked off with Davina shouting the traditional question: “You wanna meet the housemates?”
And the viewers yelling back their traditional response: “NOOOOO. I’d rather be slow-boiled alive in that giant ashtray.”
However, for the ninth series in a row, I’m professionally obliged to tell you the first housemate to arrive was former stripper Mario, 43, who’s built like Sylvester Stallone. As, unfortunately, is his strapping girlfriend Lisa.
Mario’s job, it was on arriving, to pretend he’s actually dating slack-gobbed 19-year-old student Stephanie. Or, as the world now knows her, Future Nuts Cover Girl.
A stunt that lasted all of 21 minutes, before even the dimmest of the housemate bulbs, Alexandra, cottoned on to Big Brother’s little scam.
Remarkable really. ’Cos it’s not exactly the Eggheads panel we’re dealing with here. There are 16 (SIXTEEN!) of them in total, this year, and among the slightly more acceptable housemates we have: Wigan lad Luke, channelling the voice of Frank Sidebottom, via an even odder-shaped head. Bangkok’s Jimmy Krankie, Kathreya. And Mikey, the blind guy in a poncho (David Blanket), who’s actually got the least noticeable defect of anyone.
Among the unacceptable housemates?
Take yer pick. Finger-wagging Sylvia, (Wensley)Dale, Rex, who’ll “have sex with anyone for 50 quid” (You’re overcharging, mate), Jennifer (Cheryl Dole) and Rebecca, who’s “From Cov, loves Cov, is doing it for Cov.”
And can fuh Cov.
Which goes double for psychotic Alexandra, the least pleasant contestant in BB history, and the people who booked her.
Because, my apologies here, but after nine series, the tw*t resistance threshold has been well and truly broken by this girl.
Not just personally, but also in millions of other living rooms all over Britain.
Viewing figures are massively down and there’s already a whiff of failure about this series.
A trend that could possibly be reversed if Channel 4 adopted a few simple back-to-basics rules.
Evicted housemates STAY evicted.
AVOID screwing around with the nominations process.
NO more secret bloody rooms.
And DON’T chuck in any extra housemates. Just leave the original ones to kill each other.
This, however, could never satisfy the stupid vanity of the producers, Phil Edgar-Jones and Sharon Powers, who think they’re smarter than the format and will cheat, manipulate, twist the Zero Tolerance policy and do everything they can to keep the controversial housemates, like Alexandra.
Their funeral.
With nowhere else left for them to go, it increases the likelihood next year’s Big Brother, the tenth, will be the last-ever series of a show that’s ruined C4 and been responsible for: Jade Goody, Brian Dowling, network-sponsored racism, several hundred shouty female TV presenters, a generation of Heat readers who don’t think you have to work for a living and Russell Brand’s dinkle.
Thanks for the legacy, guys.
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...icle556133.ece
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Re: Why Alex will seal BB9's fate
Originally Posted by 4me2
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