Paddy jokes

[BIG-TED]

Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.
They managed to bag 6.
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane
could take only 4 moose.
The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let
us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.
However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load
and went down.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodie paddy and Mick survived the
crash.
After climbing out of the wreckage,paddy asked Mick, "Any idea where
we are?"
Mick replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last
year."

2 Irishmen in a dark cave.
'I can't see anything' says Paddy, 'Do you have a match?'
Murphy gives him a match and he strikes it against the wall of the cave and nothing happens. He strikes it again, still nothing.
He then says 'Murphy, this match doesn't work.'
'That's funny' says Murphy, 'It worked OK this morning.'

Englishman says to Paddy "What's the best way to O'Connell St?"
"Are ye walkin' or are ye drivin?"
"I'm driving."
"Dat's the best way."

Paddy & Murphy worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. Asked his occupation, Paddy said, "Panty Stitcher. I sew the elastic onto ladies cotton panties."
The clerk looked up panty stitcher and found it classified as unskilled labor, so she gave him seventy-five pounds a week unemployment pay.
Murphy was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter" he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Murphy one hundred and fifty pounds a week.
When Paddyfound out, he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay. The clerk explained, "Panty stichers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labour."
"What skill?" yelled Paddy "I sew the elastic on the panties, Murphy puts them over his head and says, 'yah, diesel fitter.'

Paddy goes into a pet shop and asks for a bag of bird seed.
''How many birds have you got?'' asks the shopkeeper.
''None at the moment,'' replies Paddy. ''But I'm hoping to grow some.''

Paddy and Mick are sat in a cafe.
A waitress came over and said "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"
So they swapped.

Paddy wins the lottery and goes to Camelot to collect his winnings.
Upon his arrival they tell him that there is a slight problem with the finances and they would pay him 2 million this week and a further 2 million next week.
Paddy replies "If you're goin' to fook me about then give me my pound back"

Paddy says to mick "ay mick next time your fucking your wife close the curtians....everyone in the street was watching and laughing yesterday"
"Heh" says mick "Jokes on them...I werent home yesterday"

Zookeeper says to Paddy "The gorilla is on heat and we need someone to have sex with it. Would you consider shagging it for 500 pounds?". Paddy replies, "I will on 3 conditions:
1st I'm not going to kiss it.
2nd my family must never know.
3rd I'll need a couple of weeks to get the cash together!"

[Mystical_2K]

some good ones