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  1. #1
    DF PiMP shadygeezer's Avatar
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    Default How To Get Rid of Jehovah's Witnesses

    1. Answer the door naked and carrying weaponry
    (immediate results).

    2. Pretend to be the slowest talking person in the world and
    see how long their spirit of charity lasts.

    3. Answer every one of their questions with: "What do you
    mean by that?" This might take a while, but you and your loved
    ones can have fun placing bets on how long it takes for them
    to get flustered and leave.

    4. Ask them to reconcile Revelation 1 and 22 for the "Alpha &
    Omega's" identity (Jesus or God), repeat constantly. You may
    have to resort to another method to actually get rid of them,
    but this will definitely make them sweat.

    5. Excuse yourself from your living room (or wherever)... and
    don't come back.

    6. Make a series of increasingly reprehensible fake phone
    calls (bookie, order for pornography, drug deal, obscene call,
    and if they are STILL there, a tearful confession to the police
    for the murder of the last Witnesses who visited you.)

    7. Pick an oft-repeated word in their lexicon (God, Jesus,
    heaven, it, the etc.) and giggle whenever they utter it. If
    they ask you what's going on, say "nothing, why?" in very
    even tones, and giggle again.

    8. Same as #7, except say "beep" instead of giggling.

    9. (Males only) Feign an intense interest in their spiel. Part
    way through, begin putting on make-up, hosiery, a dress, the
    whole nine yards. Make encouraging noises (uh huh, I see...)
    throughout, and if they ask you what you're doing, pull a # 7.
    If they're still there when you are done, Ask them if they
    would please kindly leave as you have a hot date in ten
    minutes.

    10. Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.
    Smile it's the second best thing you can do with your lips:D :D :D
    I'd walk a mile for one of your smiles and even
    farther for that thing you do with your tongue.

  2. #2
    DF Jedi Epiphany's Avatar
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    Or just say nah, i'm stircktly christian before they even speak and slam the door in their faces. although the last time i did that the people were from the christian society......

  3. #3
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    Mystical_2K's Avatar
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    last time one came to my door, just me and my mate were at home, i answered the door and let the guy speak - then my mate ran into the hall with my air rifle and shouted "daz ive shot the ****ing cat" - so i shouted i would kill the bastard and the guy practically ran down my path without shutting the gate (inconsiderate twat) - they dont come anymore
    You know he grew up as a little shitspark from the old shitflint and then he turned into a shitbonfire and driven by the winds of his monumental ignorance he turned into a raging shitfirestorm. If I get to be married to Barb I'll have total control of Sunnyvale and then I can unleash the shitnami tidal wave that will engulf Ricky and extinguish his shitflames forever. And with any luck he'll drown in the undershit of that wave. Shitwaves.

  4. #4
    DF PlaYa CON-DIGI's Avatar
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    I've not been pestered by these twats for years, but i have i standard reply for ALL bible-bashers.........."I'll convert you to Atheism before you convert me to your religion".....its NEVER let me down.

  5. #5
    DF Jedi Epiphany's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Mystical_2K
    last time one came to my door, just me and my mate were at home, i answered the door and let the guy speak - then my mate ran into the hall with my air rifle and shouted "daz ive shot the ****ing cat" - so i shouted i would kill the bastard and the guy practically ran down my path without shutting the gate (inconsiderate twat) - they dont come anymore
    LMAO thats feckin brilliant

  6. #6
    R.I.P. taff's Avatar
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    just tell them aint got time to talk got an appointment to give blood.

    taff.

  7. #7
    DF Jedi Epiphany's Avatar
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    nah, you gotta scare them a bit first. wheres the fun in being nice

  8. #8
    DF Jedi cosmicma's Avatar
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    just tell them your one of the others and if they have done there religous home work properly the should know what you mean

    it's to do with cane & able wich ever one got cast from the garden of eden the offspring are not known as gods children
    [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]

  9. #9
    Elite Member bamboosh's Avatar
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    just answer the door wih a big boner on

  10. #10
    DF PlaYa mummikub's Avatar
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    you could say well why don't you come in and explain to my 2 spoilt children why they can't have anything for xmas.
    failing that do what i do politely say sorry but i'm not interested as i don't beleive in religion so kindly fu(k off

  11. #11
    DF Rookie Phil_306's Avatar
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    My brother got collered for some the other day!, I stayed in the living room pissing myself, Cause he's too shy to say owt!!, So he wa their for about 30mins Just chatting shit, Then he come back in with 2 magazines that they were handing out. I only found out that he had told them he would read them, and they had replied "O.K We will come back and see what you think to them!!"
    That was me cracking up after that! - Cause a bout a week later they actually came back and asked what he thought of them!!

    last time one came to my door, just me and my mate were at home, i answered the door and let the guy speak - then my mate ran into the hall with my air rifle and shouted "daz ive shot the ****ing cat" - so i shouted i would kill the bastard and the guy practically ran down my path without shutting the gate (inconsiderate twat) - they dont come anymore
    I MUST TRY THIS!!, This is fuckin tops!!
    Regards
    Phil

  12. #12
    DF Jedi BFG's Avatar
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    Ask them in for a nice cup of blood... they soon shut up


    Time Flies when you're having fun! A decade of DF - April 2002-2012.

  13. #13
    DF Jedi Cam's Avatar
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    i just let mi dog go out side and let um stay the other side of the gate till they get board of the dog barkign and jumpin up the gate board collie gross with german shepard evil! LOL

    (17:18:34) (+Cam) i need to mount my xbox hdd in linux
    (17:19:02) (+SpikeWork) youth of today, they'll mount anything

  14. #14
    DF Rookie Yuri's Avatar
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    I love 2 & 10. will try next time that they turn up.... LOL

  15. #15
    DF Jedi Gavin M's Avatar
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    all i do is shout of someone else in the house at the time and say its for you, then i go make a cup of tea and sit and listen lol

  16. #16
    DF Jedi yankee's Avatar
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    just say fuk off and close the door. Easy way.

  17. #17
    DF PlaYa Bez625's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Cam
    i just let mi dog go out side and let um stay the other side of the gate till they get board of the dog barkign and jumpin up the gate board collie gross with german shepard evil! LOL
    Yea i do this too only i got a pure boarder collie an they are evil as well as clever, little fecker hates me too,

    -Bez

  18. #18
    DF Rookie Plaguebearer's Avatar
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    I recently got rid of some Jehova's idiots by using these examples

    * I opened the door, and they spoke 'We are called upon to bring you tales of hapiness and eternal faith'. So I walked up to the livingroom and came back a few seconds after and told them that God was on the phone and He told me that they should go to the neighbours.

    * One time I just got home from a Death concert and was wearing my pentragram t-shirt.. nuff said

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