Close

Results 1 to 7 of 7
  1. #1
    DF MaSter kanu690's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2000
    Posts
    76
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked:        0
    Karma Level
    0

    Default The First Affair

    > THE FIRST AFFAIR

    > There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful
    > teen-aged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son
    they always
    > wanted. After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure
    enough, nine
    months later delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to
    the nursery
    to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the
    ugliest child
    he had ever seen. He went to his wife and said that there was no way
    that he could
    be the father of that child.
    > "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered." Then he gave her a
    stern look and
    asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?" The wife just smiled
    sweetly and
    > said, "Not this time."


    >THE SECOND AFFAIR

    > A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the
    dead
    > bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he
    examined
    > the body of Mr Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an
    amazing discovery:
    > Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr.
    Schwartz,"
    said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a
    tremendously
    huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity." And
    with that the
    coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's schlong. The coroner
    stuffed his
    prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed
    was his wife.
    "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and
    opened his
    briefcase. "Oh my God!" she screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"
    >
    THE THIRD AFFAIR
    >
    A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening
    > the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "Stand in the corner." She quickly
    > rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum
    powder. "Don't move
    until I tell you to," she whispered." Just pretend you're a statue."
    > "What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
    > "Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought
    one for their
    bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was said
    about the statue,
    not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the
    morning the
    husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later
    with a sandwich
    > and a glass of milk.
    > "Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot
    > at the Smiths' for three days, and nobody offered me as much as a
    glass
    > of water."
    >
    > >>THE FOURTH AFFAIR

    > A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a
    beer.
    "Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent." "ONE CENT!" exclaimed the guy.
    The barman
    replied "Yes." So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks,
    "Could I have
    a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas, and a fried egg?"
    "Certainly sir,"
    replies the bartender, "but all that comes to real money."
    > "How much money?" inquires the guy. "4 cents", he replies.
    > "FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the Guy who owns this place?"
    > The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
    > The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"
    > The bartender replies, "Same as I'm doing to his business."
    > >>
    > THE FIFTH AFFAIR

    > Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining candlelight vigil by
    > his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her
    > praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips
    began
    to move slightly. "My darling Becky," he whispered. "Hush, my love,"
    she
    said. "Rest. Shhh, don't talk." He was insistent.
    > "Becky," he said in his tired voice "I have somethin g I must confess
    > to you." "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky.
    "Everything's
    all right, go to sleep."
    > "No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept with your sister,
    your
    > best friend, her best friend, and your mother!" "I know" Becky
    whispered
    > softly. "That's why I poisoned you"

  2. #2
    DF PiMP flexylexy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2001
    Posts
    310
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked:        0
    Karma Level
    217

    Default

    enjoyed them very good thanks...

  3. #3
    DF VIP Member
    Mystical_2K's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Sunnyvale
    Posts
    4,509
    Thanks
    1,082
    Thanked:        880
    Karma Level
    656

    Default

    number 5 is great
    You know he grew up as a little shitspark from the old shitflint and then he turned into a shitbonfire and driven by the winds of his monumental ignorance he turned into a raging shitfirestorm. If I get to be married to Barb I'll have total control of Sunnyvale and then I can unleash the shitnami tidal wave that will engulf Ricky and extinguish his shitflames forever. And with any luck he'll drown in the undershit of that wave. Shitwaves.

  4. #4
    DF MaSter Trucho's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Location
    U.K
    Posts
    77
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked:        0
    Karma Level
    0

    Default

    Yeah, liked the fifth one most.

  5. #5
    DF Jedi Cam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2000
    Location
    planet Badenti
    Posts
    2,599
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked:        2
    Karma Level
    341

    Default

    funny all funny but have to agree 5th 1 best

    (17:18:34) (+Cam) i need to mount my xbox hdd in linux
    (17:19:02) (+SpikeWork) youth of today, they'll mount anything

  6. #6
    DF Wh0re cujo2000's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    187
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked:        1
    Karma Level
    196

    Default

    Definately 5th is the best of the bunch!!

  7. #7
    DF Member articdomain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    cleveland,Ohio
    Posts
    30
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked:        0
    Karma Level
    0

    Default

    thanks.....the 4th one rocked!

Similar Threads

  1. Italian Affair
    By tam9 in forum The Comedy Club
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 12th September 2006, 11:40 AM
  2. Affair
    By Lighty in forum The Comedy Club
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 7th March 2005, 04:58 PM

Social Networking Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •