Patient's Hospital Notes

[ibobsy]

> > #24 is my fav! Enjoy
> >
> >
> > 1) She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her
> > husband states she was hot in bed last night.
> >
> > 2) Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side
> > for over a year.
> >
> > 3) On the second day the knee was better, and on
> > the third day it disappeared.
> >
> > 4) The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She
> > also appears to be depressed.
> >
> > 5) The patient has been depressed since she
> > began seeing me in 1993.
> >
> > 6) Discharge status: Alive but without my
> > permission.
> >
> > 7) Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male,
> > mentally alert but forgetful.
> >
> > 8) The patient refused autopsy.
> >
> > 9) The patient has no previous history of suicides.
> >
> > 10) Patient has left white blood cells at another
> > hospital.
> >
> > 11) Patient's medical history has been remarkably
> > insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the
> > past 3 days
> >
> > 12) Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia
> > for lunch.
> >
> > 13) Between you and me, we ought to be able to get
> > this lady pregnant.
> >
> > 14) Since she can't get pregnant with her husband,
> > I thought you might want to work her up.
> >
> > 15) She is numb from her toes down.
> >
> > 16) While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and
> > sent home.
> >
> > 17) The skin was moist and dry.
> >
> > 18) Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
> >
> > 19) Patient was alert and unresponsive.
> >
> > 20) Rectal examination revealed a normal sized
> > thyroid.
> >
> > 21) She stated that she had been constipated for
> > most of her life, until got a divorce.
> >
> > 22) I saw your patient today, who is still under our car
> > for physical therapy.
> >
> > 23) Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and
> > accommodation.
> >
> > 24) Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus
> > sized.
> >
> > 25) The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
> >
> > 26) The patient was to have a bowel resection.
> > However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
> >
> > 27) Skin: somewhat pale but present.
> >
> > 28) The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
> >
> > 29) Patient was seen in consultation by Dr Blank,
> > who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
> >
> > 30) Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
> >
> > 31) Patient has two teenage children, but no other
> > abnormalities.

[psibob84]

number 31 and 27 are quite funny

[Trucho]

#24 is the funniest