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  1. #1
    DF Jedi ibobsy's Avatar
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    Mar 2002
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    Default Ten Of Daddy's Rules For Dating !

    > >Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be
    > >delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
    > >
    > >Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may
    > >glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her
    > >neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's
    > >body, I will remove them.
    > >
    > >Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of
    > >your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be
    > >falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you
    > >and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be
    > >fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise:
    > >You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants
    > >ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure
    > >that your clothes do not, infact come off during the course of you
    > >date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten
    > >your trousers securely in place to your waist.
    > >
    > >Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex
    > >without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let
    > >me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrrier, and I will
    > >kill you.
    > >
    > >Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to
    > >know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other
    > >issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I
    > >require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my
    > >daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you
    > >on this subject is: early,& quote.
    > >
    > >Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many
    > >opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as
    > >it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with
    > >my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she
    > >is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
    > >
    > >Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my
    > >daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and
    > >fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be
    > >dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can
    > >take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just
    > >standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the
    > >oil in my car?
    > >
    > >Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with
    > >my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer
    > >than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where
    > >there is dancing,holding hands, or happiness. Places where the
    > >ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear
    > >shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than
    > >overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to
    > >herthroat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be
    > >avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are
    > >okay. Old folks homes are better.
    > >
    > >Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied,
    > >balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to
    > >my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe.
    > >If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance
    > >to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I
    > >have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not
    > >trifle with me.
    > >
    > >Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to
    > >mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming
    > >in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting
    > >up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I
    > >wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the
    > >driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight.
    > >Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you
    > >have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your
    > >car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face
    > >at the window is mine.

  2. #2
    DF PlaYa geeWcee's Avatar
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    Aug 2002
    Huddersfield, UK
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    damn funny. post more mate!! lol

  3. #3
    DF Rookie Biggun's Avatar
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    Oct 2001
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