whats rong with me??

[Anonymous]

i am 34 and have never been with a girl and as you can imagine have come up with some inventive, if not fascinating ways of...relieving myself lets say.

there have been so many lonely nights and meals for one that it had really started to get me down so i decided to try one of my more favoured methods involving bacon and mayo, you must understand this obsession was born out of necessity, i had not planned it till now.

if i didnt shag cheap packets of meat i would be sat on my space hopper balls while i write this to you. so i bought the cheapest packet of cookin bacon i could find with really nice big juicy chunks in but i forgot the mayo...nightmare, i no!! so i had to improvize and searched my cupboards where i came across a jar of honey, result, or so i thought!

so i closed the curtains, lit a few candles and put on some mood music 'smels like teen spirit' by nervana, a beautiful song im sure youl agree, opened a nice bottle of red and got to thinking what it would be like to be with an actual woman.

so as you can imagine it didnt take me long to ready myself, and i got to business, first i undressed the bacocon, nice and slow so to keep the mood, covering it with my lucky find (the honey) and got to noing her a little bit better.

now half way through the physical act of love with my porky partner i noticed a line of ants heading for the bottle of honey, inspiration struck, so i places myself and my salty foe lady on a collision course with my new anty visitors, before long i was coverd, the honey driping porky ant feuled orgy that proceded was the most exiting, gratifying sexual experience of my life...farm house insectie bliss.

the problem only arose later, after i had finished up, fried and eated the evidence i fell into bed, i was out like a light, it had been a long sexually feuled evening and i was pooped, but i dreamt i was a queen ant and had my pick of a whole nest of antie lovers, nw its all i want, how can i make my dream a reality??

i want to be a queen ant and have a million billion antie lovers, i no from reading posts on this site that you people help when others have a problem, so please help me, it would make me sooo hapy, thank you for listening, its been almost therapeutic just writing it down, well i must be off, i have several ant farms that in desperate need of my attention, dnt wry tho im the only queen ant in this house

[OrangeJuicey]

I can't see anything wrong with that post at all except you spelt Knowing as noing.

On a serious note I would get yourself on a dating site pronto. Also try and leave this ant fetish behind otherwise you'll just make it worse. There are a lot of sites on the net which will give you hints and tips on meeting real women, people that are good at meeting women do these things without thinking that is the only difference. Just be confident and approachable. Do it soon before you buy any more bacon shag it and eat it none of that sounds healthy at all.

[russbeer]

i reckon thats flypitcher or helpers that have typed that

[OrangeJuicey]

i reckon thats flypitcher or helpers that have typed that

That's not in the spirit of anonymous posting is it lol.

[Tommy J]

Personally, I'd start by getting spellig lessons, chick's dig good spelling!

Why go for ants when you can have termites. Perhaps that's the problem, your actually a butterfly, and your setting your standards too low. Why not raise the bar and go all out for a peacock.

What you got to lose

[russbeer]

Personally, I'd start by getting spellig lessons, chick's dig good spelling!

Why go for ants when you can have termites. Perhaps that's the problem, your actually a butterfly, and your setting your standards too low. Why not raise the bar and go all out for a peacock.

What you got to lose

Loving the irony on the spelling comment. Your punctuation needs attention as well

[dannoble82]

Why go for ants when you can have termites.

and termites love munchin wood

[Mystical_2K]

erm seriously.........get help

in my professional opinion i would put my money on this post being a fantasy but even so.....................GET FUCKIN HELP!

in my personal opinion...........YOU GO GIRL!

[general jack]

wtf. i am assuming this is another wind up that needs to go in th HOS. if not then stop banking food products and at least use a doll if your struggling so much to meet a girl. the image in my head is the one in the film Gamer. the guy in his home on his own. seek help