Been a bit quiet in here....

[hotentot]

so heres one i heard today...

My wife and i walked past a swanky new restaurant last night. "Did you smell that food, it smelt incredible?" she said. Being the nice guy i am, i thought "Fu(k it, i'll treat her"


So we walked past it again....

[Sanj[UK]]

I went up to this fat bird in the pub last night.

"You're a big lass, aren't you?" I said.

"Tell me something I don't know," she replied with a tear in her eye.

"Salad tastes nice."

[DejaVu]

Decided to go healthy today and go for a jog.
As I set off, I heard clapping behind me.

Then I realised it was my arse cheering me on!

[BertRoot]

Badum tish...

[hotentot]

My girl friend recently found out she was adopted,she was devastated...kept crying and asking why they did not want her. I cuddled her a bit,she then asked me to make love to her...I did so and the tear's began to flow even more,I suppose shagging her and shouting who's your daddy might have been a bit insensitive...