What's the fastest time you've met and shagged a bird in?

[I Black Belt]

So this includes travelling time, hookers not allowed, nor are guaranteed shags off plenty of fish or similar. I'm talking about a genuine, never met or spoke to before encounter.

For me, I reckon 15 minutes.
1987: college. Bird playing table tennis, 3 minutes of idle chat and flirting, 2 minutes to sneak into the toilets, then 10 minutes of stifled shagging where she took me from flop to pop Ahhh Memories!!!

Incidentally, I had the squits all day yesterday and had 7 shits - 7! - can anyone beat that!

[Mickey]

Incidentally, I had the squits all day yesterday and had 7 shits - 7! - can anyone beat that!

You need sum fibre in ya diet matey

About 15 minutes. At a punk disco in Leeds when i was in my late teens. Took her to some bushed area and gave her the best 4 minutes of her life

[CallmeGoose]

6 hours. Joined a ship in Barrow in Furness at 5pm, went out on the piss with a few of the engineers, was at hers by 11pm doing the deed. Kept seeing her for 2 weeks after that.

[-G-Man-]

literally about 5 minutes in Faliraki. Id just arrived at about 5am after a red eye flight, get to the hotel and a drunken mess pretty much falls out of lift, I helped her to her room and u can guess the rest.

God I miss going on them 18-30 holidays, like shooting fish in a barrel.

[TAR]

I was around the age of 15. I was walking home from the local sorts centre, after playing squash, and I heared a bird shout out ' oi, lick I out' ( classy I know ). I looked around and this bird wad on a balcony about 8 floors up. So not wanting to miss a opportunity , I went to find her. After I found her (took 5 mins and she looked younger than me) we got straight to doing it. But I was interrupted 5 mins in by her older sister, who dragged me out by my ear. I never saw her again to this day.Lol them were the days. So I guess from meeting her to doing her about 2 mins.

[maltloaf]

Got 2, was at a house party once and there was instant chemistry with this girl, she followed me into the kitchen and invited me over to her house across the road. Eyes meeting to penetration, around 15 mins I'd say. She is married to my mate's brother now and he knows nothing about it!

The other was at a Pontins holiday camp when I was 15. In the bad old days when there were toilet blocks between the rows of chalets I was dragged into one by a much older woman (I guessed around 35) completely at random. Bit of fumbling and half a fuck was all over in a couple of minutes, but stayed in my memory for years. Total time, meeting, snogging, fucking and leaving was only about 6 minutes!

Sweet memories

[Goldberg]

Walking out of a pub in 'Boro and a bird said "I have not even got off with anyone all night"
3 seconds later my tongue is down her throat, 10-15 mins later the cab gets to mine and were bang at it.

Zero effort and zero drinks bought. I think I paid for the Taxi home but made her get the funk out an hour later
No Mobile phones them days so she would have had to wonder to find a phone booth!

[ivrytwr3]

when i was with the ex i went to collect a chinese from th elocal take away. Some bird was waiting for her takeaway too - got chatting and once the food was ready, WE WERE READY, and we went to my car where we did the deed on the backseat.

It was over so quickly, my chinese was still warm when i got to the ex's.

very, very, very, strange shag that one!

[johnny]

I reckon I've shat more times in a day than 7.

[jamie_h88]

I think I shat more yesterday (beer and dodgy takeaway)

[Zoots]

I reckon I've shat more times in a day than 7.

Gastroenteritis - you can times that by 10.

[rIKmAN]

About 10mins, working in Faliraki and Malia (2003/5 and 2009) - pissed birds + working there = instant lay.

Heaven!

[-G-Man-]

About 10mins, working in Faliraki and Malia (2003/5 and 2009) - pissed birds + working there = instant lay.

Heaven!

I was in Faliraki in 03, although I was I lowly holiday maker.

A mate of mine stayed on to do some PR work. As u say, the moment birds find out your a worker they instantly want to fuck you! He only ended up working out there for a month but he says most nights he was getting laid.

[rIKmAN]

I was in Faliraki in 03, although I was I lowly holiday maker.

A mate of mine stayed on to do some PR work. As u say, the moment birds find out your a worker they instantly want to fuck you! He only ended up working out there for a month but he says most nights he was getting laid.

Your mate is correct-a-mondo!
I worked in Bondi Bar, Liquid, Georges Bar and was PR manager for Bed Club.

Them were the days...!

[B B Leo]

about 30 seconds! but the judge gave me a lighter sentences cause the girl didnt have to take the stand testify against me

Spoiler:

btw im joking numptys

[-G-Man-]

Your mate is correct-a-mondo!
I worked in Bondi Bar, Liquid, Georges Bar and was PR manager for Bed Club.

Them were the days...!

Was Bondi bar the one opposite Maccy Ds, at the beach end of bar street? I can't remember the name of that bar but our hotel was above that it, and we started every night in there for 2 weeks!

[Mystical_2K]

Was at a friend of the familys flat when they were having a party when i was 15, a woman about 35 came upto me in the kitchen, started chatting and being flirty with me, next thing shes got ice cubes in her hand and put them down my boxers, followed by rubbing them on my cock and then putting them in her mouth, some food arrrived so she went to collect it, taking me and another girl with her, sadly she gave the other girl the food and she went upstairs, but she dropped to her knees and sucked me off on the stairs, then she took me up and we went to the bedroom and i smashed fuck out of it, well as much as a 15 year old can, probably 25 mins max for all of it, never saw her again or even knew her name

still raises a smile to this day

[rIKmAN]

Was Bondi bar the one opposite Maccy Ds, at the beach end of bar street? I can't remember the name of that bar but our hotel was above that it, and we started every night in there for 2 weeks!

No that would have been Ziggies and Charlies mate, if you mean right on the beach next to the path that leads you down onto it.

Never went there much cos Charlie was a right bellend, used to drive round on his bike slapping my PRs for giving out flyers the cunt.

Bondi was on the left as you walked up bar street, past Jimmys (on right) and Jamaica Bar (on left)...about midway up before you got to Club Street.

[tronads]

What an entertaining thread...mine was probably about 10-15 minutes...was knocking about with this lad and he was seeing his younger sisters best mate, but they had had a fall out...we went round to her house and the two girls were there...it was the first time I had met his sister....I was 17 she was 15...she said to me that we should leave the two of them (my mate and his bird) to talk and sort things out, so we went upstairs to her mates bedroom...she got straight in bed....me not being the presumptious type sat awkwardly on the floor next to the bed but she pretty much imediately invited me in with her, and I didnt have to be asked twice.
She was the only bird I have ever been out with who I would genuinely describe as a proper nymphomaniac....at 15 she was playing with sex toys and had already had multiple partners, and I foolishly shagged her without wearing a jiffy...though thankfully without any repocussions.

[Mickey]

I was 17 she was 15...
I would genuinely describe as a proper nymphomaniac....at 15 .

I wouldn`t go round saying you had sex with an underage kid. It is classed as rape and your could be called a PAEDO.