Last April I had what I suspected was Hemorrhoids so popped off to the docs to have a gander and a poke, he said it was more than likely Hemorrhoids and prescribed me some ass tablets. I'd suffered from them before so knew after a few days they would shrink down and the intense arse itching would stop.
Anyway a week goes by and it seemed to be getting worse, so thought fuck it if its same over weekend i'll go see doc again. this was around the Thursday, by Sunday morning it was agony and felt like a big lump at the side of my arsehole, very tender to touch.
Ended up going to the drop in centre other side of Leeds, and doc has a quick look then writes me a note says get to hospital asap.
Turns out to be a massive frigging abscess, get to the hospital after picking mrs up and dropping sprogs at the mother in laws. when I arrived my arse was smarting like hell, any movement was very painful. 10 min wait and I get called in for them to have looksie at my arse.
Soon as this woman doc saw my arse, she said go straight to ward 37 or something like that, gets to the ward hands over my letter etc and another doc has a gander, yup that's a nasty abscess will operate this evening.
Now I hate hospitals to the point I only saw my father twice when he had a lung operation and was in there for 2mths, so I gets sat down and some chap is watching TV turns round and asks what i'm in for, so I explain and he tells me he's got an abscess in his jaw.
5 mins pass and im back in a bed with another doc poking away at my arse, and the lad I was talking to comes and sits in his bed next to me for some penicillin injection, 2 mins later all hell breaks lose, docs are running around like nutters one of them starts shouting CRASH CRASH CRASH, alarms start ringing and another load of docs arrive, curtain is pulled around this lad next to me and we are moved to the next ward down.
20 mins pass and a nurse comes to me and Mrs saying sorry you had to witness that. So like you do I ask how is he? Oh he's died!!!
I'm now in a state of panic and shock for this poor lad who I was chatting with not 30mins earlier. I said to Mrs fuck this I'm outa here that poor cunt only had a jaw infection and he's now dead, a nurse comes back and could see I was distressed, and asked if I was ok etc.
I was just like look either get me in now for this OP or I'm walking out, so within a min a senior nurse comes across and said I could have a local and they would do it in the bed right now, so i'm like hell yer get cracking. 5 mins and a male surgeon arrives with a tray of bit n bobs to do the OP. Right I've got to inject the local all around and it's gunna hurt like fuck, so I'm like it hurts like fuck now just crack on.
FUCK ME it was like he was injecting molten lava into my arse, then when he's done say's oh it might not work as all the tissue is dead so may not numb it... few mins later and he comes back and i'm sweating like a pig, right lets start shall we...
From the knife cutting me to him squeezing all the shit out and then rubbing around inside the cut with his finger with some swabs I could feel everything, I have never in my life experienced pain so intense, I was biting the pillow and gripping the safety bars on the bed my hands locked. Even 2 other nurses came in to see what all the swearing etc was about, soon as they saw what was going on and the surgeon muttered something to them, they just looked at me like "you poor cunt".
Anyway 30 mins later he's packed the huge fucking hole next to my butt hole and covered it with a what looked like a massive plaster, they said give it another 30 mins and you can get off home, but will need to come back for the next week each day for the dressing changing.
10 mins later and i'm walking at like 1MPH down the ward like bubber has just done 5 rounds on my arse, took me 30 mins to walk to the exit it was that painful.
anyway long story short the following 5 weeks I had to see the nurse at my local docs to change the dressing as the hole had to heal from the inside out, the first few weeks were fucking shear pain, but after then it was more uncomfortable then a pain. 6 weeks off work and I wouldn't wish that shit on my worse enemy.
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