Random jokes
Apologies if these have been posted before - just ignore if that's the case
Now on sale at IKEA - beds for lesbians: no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove.
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A Muslim has been shot with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related.
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Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.
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I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency.
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The lead actor in the local pantomime production of Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage last night –
to be fair the audience did try to warn him.
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Such an unfair world.
When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment.
When a woman talks dirty to a man its £2.50/min (charges may vary)
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Got stopped in the street outside Boots today by a woman with a clipboard asking "What products do I use for grooming?"
She was a bit taken aback when I replied " Facebook ".
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Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though - she's crap at snooker.
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Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having
sex there and then.
God, I love my new Taser!
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Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown with just a small white area so I've called him Bradford.
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If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham then delete it, it's Spam.
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They say that sex is the best form of exercise.
Now correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 6 months is going to shift this beer belly.
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I've just watched a documentary about children being beaten and abused in Indian sweat shops. Looking at the quality of stitching on my new trainers the little bastards deserved it!
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When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau.
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