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Thread: Iritated anus

  1. #21
    DF PiMP Cosmicpore's Avatar
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    Default Re: Iritated anus

    I cried laughing, such wonderful verse.

    And oh dear lord, wash your goddamn anus properly.

    My first thought was worms, as described by a kid 'its itchy'. But if it itches after a shit and you only wipe twice, sounds like its a case of dirty-bum-syndrome. Flushable wet wipes and a soapy loofah in the shower should clean things up.

    Ingrown hairs would cause an itchy crack but not an itchy star.

    Any pain or discomfort when the logs fall out?

    And if it doesn't improve with cleanliness, go to the GP and sort out dem worms.

  2. #22
    DF Jedi plug1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Iritated anus

    I think it's some thing you will need to get looked in to .
    i heard you can make your own endoscope with a web cam lol

  3. #23
    DF Jedi consoles's Avatar
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    Default Re: Iritated anus

    it will be internal piles, if i eat loads of cheese and dairy i get it for about a week, drives you fucking crazy and seems to be worse at bedtime.
    many a morning woke up with a stinky finger from the sleep scratching.

  4. #24
    DF Moderator piggzy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Iritated anus

    Another vote for the hair issue ! I suffer exact same symptoms and a good dab of the wife's hair removing cream all over the ring piece, left for the appropriate amount of time and jobs a good un

    Usually itch and irritation free for a couple of months then repeat

    Just in case you were protesting too much in the original post, just make sure your 'life partner' keeps his cock and bollocks clean ;-)

  5. #25
    DF PlaYa mitchb's Avatar
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    Default Re: Iritated anus

    Reminds me of an episode of curb your enthusiasm where a hamster went missing and Larry had an itchy anus

  6. #26
    DF PwNagE super mike's Avatar
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    Default Re: Iritated anus

    How's your diet? Sort that out too, what goes in must come out.
    and:
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  7. #27
    VIP Member CzarJunkie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Iritated anus

    When arse gravy escapes the rectal canal it can irritate the outer rim of the anus. My dad worked on the streets of San Francisco for Medecins Sans Frontieres during the 80's AIDS epidemic and saw his fair share of dribbling dirtpipes.

    Given your penchant for Turkish cab drivers I suspect your arse flaps like a kingsize duvet cover on an Oklahoma washing line. My dad's advice is pack your ringpiece with as much cotton wool as it takes and change daily.

    Thanks to CzarJunkie

    DJ Overdose (26th August 2014) 


  8. #28
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    Default Re: Iritated anus

    Lol
    Classic topic, if you have an anus like a clowns pocket try a rolled up bath sheet
    LS


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  9. #29
    DF PiMP ViSaGe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Iritated anus

    Feck me, this thread has just gained 'classic' status. I'm actualy crying from some of the 'advice' .

    We need a top tier sacrifice for our whicker man, you sound perfect.

  10. #30
    DF Jedi supraman54's Avatar
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    Default Re: Iritated anus

    Definiteley the most entertaining thread for a long time has come out of DJ's arse.. :-)

    supe
    http://www.speedtest.net/result/2920820230.png

    Thanks to supraman54

    DJ Overdose (27th August 2014) 


  11. #31
    DF VIP Member stevo25's Avatar
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    Default Re: Iritated anus

    Quote Originally Posted by plug1 View Post
    I think it's some thing you will need to get looked in to .
    i heard you can make your own endoscope with a web cam lol
    colonoscope you mean
    Look whats sat on my desk at work
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    Thanks to stevo25

    Over Carl (30th December 2014) 


  12. #32
    DF Super Moderator DJ Overdose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Iritated anus

    Quote Originally Posted by supraman54 View Post
    Definiteley the most entertaining thread for a long time has come out of DJ's arse.. :-)

    supe
    Haha! Had you all going. It's not me with an itchy brown cave... It's me mate Dave from down the pub


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  13. #33
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    Default Re: Iritated anus

    Hi
    Ahhhh "Dave" with the blown out gearbox
    LS
    Dear Lord, please grant me the ability to punch people in the face over Standard TCP/IP

    Thanks to Lou_smorals

    DJ Overdose (27th August 2014) 


  14. #34
    DF Jedi jaguar982's Avatar
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    Default Re: Iritated anus

    Go to docs get some steroid cream works a treat

    jag


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  15. #35
    DF Jedi plug1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Iritated anus

    Quote Originally Posted by stevo25 View Post
    colonoscope you mean
    Look whats sat on my desk at work
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    I bet that's seen more bums than Rolf haris

  16. #36
    DF Jedi darkstar's Avatar
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    Default Re: Iritated anus

    Quote Originally Posted by consoles View Post
    it will be internal piles, if i eat loads of cheese and dairy i get it for about a week, drives you fucking crazy and seems to be worse at bedtime.
    many a morning woke up with a stinky finger from the sleep scratching.

    Same me with me mainly of a night .drives you dam crazy .. Will keep i on the cheese and dairy

  17. #37
    DF PlaYa aloogobee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Iritated anus

    Search for a bidet shower or Muslim shower and get it fitted. Problem solved

  18. #38
    DF Super Moderator Over Carl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Iritated anus

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    I find P120 normally sorts it out perfect.

    For smaller, or shorter term issues I will start from 400 then work through the grades.

  19. #39
    DF Super Moderator DJ Overdose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Iritated anus

    Quick update: my arse has been a lot better of late.

    Not sure if it's due to cutting down on spicey food, buying new pants, mega wiping my arse with more paper than an Andrex puppy can eat or the change in weather... Mostly because those things don't apply perhaps.

    That said I now have a new job and my commute involves a train for 35 minutes instead of sitting in the car for minimum of an hour each way... Arse sweats due to sitting on leather seats in the car too much I suspext.


    DJ OD
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  20. #40
    DF Jedi blacksheep's Avatar
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    Default Re: Iritated anus

    Combo of diet and wiping properly mate. If you're scratching your arse and there's marks on your underwear then you haven't wiped properly surely?

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