Different types of Sex..

LOUD SEX:

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem,
doctor.
Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear
splitting
yell."

"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see
what
the problem is."

The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"

QUIET SEX:

Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his
wife
during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when
you
have
an orgasm?"

She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"

DECEPTIVE SEX:

A married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair. One
afternoon
they couldn't contain their passion, so they rushed over to her place
where
they
spent the afternoon making passionate love. When they were finished,
they
fell asleep, not waking until 8 o'clock.

They got dressed quickly. Then the man told his secretary to take his
shoes
outside and rub them on the lawn. Bewildered, she did as he asked
thinking
him
pretty weird. The man finally got home and his wife met him at the
door.
Upset, she asked where he'd been. The man replied, "I cannot tell a
lie.
My
secretary
and I are having an affair. Today we left work early, went to her
place,
spent the afternoon making love, and then fell asleep. That's why I'm
late."

The wife looked at him, took notice of his shoes and yelled, "I can see

those are grass stains on your shoes. YOU DAMN LIAR! You've been
playing
golf again,
haven't you?"

CONFOUNDED SEX

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and
torn
from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give
him
back
his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since
it
was
considered cosmetic. The doctor said that the cost would be $3,500 for
"small,"
$6,500 for "medium," and $14,000 for "large."

The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged
him
to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man
called
his
wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back
into
the
room, and found the man looking quite dejected.

"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.

The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding
anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone
that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."

"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that
reads,
'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

And the thought for the day....

When my old flame walked into my married life, we had a big explosion.