How To Get Rid of Jehovah's Witnesses
1. Answer the door naked and carrying weaponry
(immediate results).
2. Pretend to be the slowest talking person in the world and
see how long their spirit of charity lasts.
3. Answer every one of their questions with: "What do you
mean by that?" This might take a while, but you and your loved
ones can have fun placing bets on how long it takes for them
to get flustered and leave.
4. Ask them to reconcile Revelation 1 and 22 for the "Alpha &
Omega's" identity (Jesus or God), repeat constantly. You may
have to resort to another method to actually get rid of them,
but this will definitely make them sweat.
5. Excuse yourself from your living room (or wherever)... and
don't come back.
6. Make a series of increasingly reprehensible fake phone
calls (bookie, order for pornography, drug deal, obscene call,
and if they are STILL there, a tearful confession to the police
for the murder of the last Witnesses who visited you.)
7. Pick an oft-repeated word in their lexicon (God, Jesus,
heaven, it, the etc.) and giggle whenever they utter it. If
they ask you what's going on, say "nothing, why?" in very
even tones, and giggle again.
8. Same as #7, except say "beep" instead of giggling.
9. (Males only) Feign an intense interest in their spiel. Part
way through, begin putting on make-up, hosiery, a dress, the
whole nine yards. Make encouraging noises (uh huh, I see...)
throughout, and if they ask you what you're doing, pull a # 7.
If they're still there when you are done, Ask them if they
would please kindly leave as you have a hot date in ten
minutes.
10. Look smug and tell them that your God can beat up their God.
