Spiders What the actual fuck???

Thread: Spiders What the actual fuck???

  1. Teajunkie's Avatar

    Teajunkie said:

    Advice Spiders What the actual fuck???

    Well Iím as you would call a pussy when it comes to spiders.
    Even money spiders scare the shit out of me.

    so now itís mating season and I live in the Deep South, we are absolutely inundated with the fucking horrible black hairy fucking massive beyond scary bastards.
    Tried everything from conkers to vinegar spray and even roasting them with a can of deodorant and a zippo.
    Note to self: donít do that again they run fast when on fire!

    im not joking some of the ones in our house are as big as my head yes my fucking head!
    it makes me want to burn down the house.

    i was always told they are more scared of you than you are of them.
    BULLSHIT.
    Two days ago a humongous fucker ran across the living room towards me no one else but made a beeline for me the little shit.
    my missus isnít scared of spiders luckily and even she shat herself at the size of it and threw her iPad Pro at it.

    Itís everday we are getting these massive cat sized spiders in the house and Iím at my wits end.
    Even the dogs are getting up and moving away from them now where as before they would eat them or chew them up and spit them out.

    Now before I waste money would it really help being hypnotised to rid my fear??
    Instagram and twitter @mrteajunkie.
     
  2. Mickey's Avatar

    Mickey said:

    Default Re: Spiders What the actual fuck???

    This is right up your street
    Spoiler:

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  3. Teajunkie's Avatar

    Teajunkie said:

    Default Re: Spiders What the actual fuck???

    Yeah Iím not watching that!
    thanks though for the moral support
    Instagram and twitter @mrteajunkie.
     
  4. Mickey's Avatar

    Mickey said:

    Default Re: Spiders What the actual fuck???

    where 2dogs gone ?
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  5. BigBrand's Avatar

    BigBrand said:

    Default Re: Spiders What the actual fuck???

    With you TJ, minging cunts they are.

    I've had one fall out of my towel the other day when I got out the shower, gives me the creeps.

    Couple of occasions Mrs BB and I have woke up to find them crawling on our faces/pillows and in our beds - horrible pricks.

    Cat won't touch some of the big ones that are coming in.
     
  6. Teajunkie's Avatar

    Teajunkie said:

    Default Re: Spiders What the actual fuck???

    Quote Originally Posted by Mickey View Post
    where 2dogs gone ?
    Old fancied a change some people might forget who I am now

    Quote Originally Posted by BigBrand View Post
    With you TJ, minging cunts they are.

    I've had one fall out of my towel the other day when I got out the shower, gives me the creeps.

    Couple of occasions Mrs BB and I have woke up to find them crawling on our faces/pillows and in our beds - horrible pricks.

    Cat won't touch some of the big ones that are coming in.
    Great thanks for that now Iím going to have nightmares and Iím never showering again.
    Instagram and twitter @mrteajunkie.
     
  7. BigBrand's Avatar

    BigBrand said:

    Default Re: Spiders What the actual fuck???

    Quote Originally Posted by Teajunkie View Post

    Great thanks for that now Iím going to have nightmares and Iím never showering again.
    There is no safe place, none.


    Sleep well!
     
  8. dibbler's Avatar

    dibbler said:

    Default Re: Spiders What the actual fuck???

    Before my daughter left home I came home to find the remote control on the floor along side an upturned cup.
    She explained that she saw a spider walk across the floor and picked up the remote, threw it at the spider and when it was "stunned" covered it with the cup.
    Then spent the next half hour waiting for me to come home and move it. It was one of the smallest spiders you can get!!
     
  9. Mystical_2K's Avatar

    Mystical_2K said:

    Default Re: Spiders What the actual fuck???

    Im with you TJ - cant stand the little bastards, they scare the absolute shit out of me.

    My solution = 4 cats (2 moggies and 2 bengal kittens) - the kittens especially chase spiders, flies etc. and eat the lot.
    If you dont like cats however then fuck knows as none of the old wives tales work to get rid of them in my experience
    You know he grew up as a little shitspark from the old shitflint and then he turned into a shitbonfire and driven by the winds of his monumental ignorance he turned into a raging shitfirestorm. If I get to be married to Barb I'll have total control of Sunnyvale and then I can unleash the shitnami tidal wave that will engulf Ricky and extinguish his shitflames forever. And with any luck he'll drown in the undershit of that wave. Shitwaves.
     
  10. Teajunkie's Avatar

    Teajunkie said:

    Default Re: Spiders What the actual fuck???

    I had a can of spray but canít buy it anywhere it was a cockroach and ant spray. one whiff they curled up and died then I set fire to them.

    But now I canít get it anywhere.
    We have had lots of different spider sprays but not one of them has worked.
    Instagram and twitter @mrteajunkie.
     
  11. WillD's Avatar

    WillD said:

    Default Re: Spiders What the actual fuck???

    Quote Originally Posted by Teajunkie View Post
    Well Iím as you would call a pussy when it comes to spiders.
    Even money spiders scare the shit out of me.

    so now itís mating season and I live in the Deep South, we are absolutely inundated with the fucking horrible black hairy fucking massive beyond scary bastards.
    Tried everything from conkers to vinegar spray and even roasting them with a can of deodorant and a zippo.
    Note to self: donít do that again they run fast when on fire!

    im not joking some of the ones in our house are as big as my head yes my fucking head!
    it makes me want to burn down the house.

    i was always told they are more scared of you than you are of them.
    BULLSHIT.
    Two days ago a humongous fucker ran across the living room towards me no one else but made a beeline for me the little shit.
    my missus isnít scared of spiders luckily and even she shat herself at the size of it and threw her iPad Pro at it.

    Itís everday we are getting these massive cat sized spiders in the house and Iím at my wits end.
    Even the dogs are getting up and moving away from them now where as before they would eat them or chew them up and spit them out.

    Now before I waste money would it really help being hypnotised to rid my fear??
    Donít know why, but Iíve just spat my cornflakes out laughing at that bit, Iíve got a mental image of you with an zippo and aerosol complete with a man made face mask made from a sieve running away from a spider hysterically.
     
  12. Teajunkie's Avatar

    Teajunkie said:

    Default Re: Spiders What the actual fuck???

    Quote Originally Posted by WillD View Post
    Donít know why, but Iíve just spat my cornflakes out laughing at that bit, Iíve got a mental image of you with an zippo and aerosol complete with a man made face mask made from a sieve running away from a spider hysterically.
    Did my wife send you the pictures???
    Instagram and twitter @mrteajunkie.
     
  13. BigBrand's Avatar

    BigBrand said:

    Default Re: Spiders What the actual fuck???

    Quote Originally Posted by Teajunkie View Post
    Did my wife send you the pictures???
    Not those ones, she sent me some others
     
  14. prezzy's Avatar

    prezzy said:

    Default Re: Spiders What the actual fuck???

    fuck spiders I hate them

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  15. ilscuro's Avatar

    ilscuro said:

    Default Re: Spiders What the actual fuck???

    I go to bed armed with my Shark duoclean portable vacuum cleaner now, after seeing one in my bedroom the other night, works a treat
     
  16. piggzy's Avatar

    piggzy said:

    Default Re: Spiders What the actual fuck???

    Do you pussys not know about Conkers then?? Thought it was common knowledge. The Mother inlaw is petrified so they fill the house with hidden conkers all over the place.

    Basically conkers emit a gas as they rot that is poisonous to spiders. Spiders smell/detect conkers in the viscinity and they fuck off pronto. It really works cos their house never has any spiders in it.

    Not bullshitting. Google it.
     
  17. ilscuro's Avatar

    ilscuro said:

    Default Re: Spiders What the actual fuck???

    Quote Originally Posted by piggzy View Post
    Do you pussys not know about Conkers then?? Thought it was common knowledge. The Mother inlaw is petrified so they fill the house with hidden conkers all over the place.

    Basically conkers emit a gas as they rot that is poisonous to spiders. Spiders smell/detect conkers in the viscinity and they fuck off pronto. It really works cos their house never has any spiders in it.


    Not bullshitting. Google it.
    The problem with conkers is that unless you have millions of them all over your house, the spiders just congregate where there are no conkers.
     
  18. piggzy's Avatar

    piggzy said:

    Default Re: Spiders What the actual fuck???

    Quote Originally Posted by ilscuro View Post
    The problem with conkers is that unless you have millions of them all over your house, the spiders just congregate where there are no conkers.
    They just hide em behind pictures and things. It does seem to make a difference and they dont use loads I dont think. I suppose just fill up the bedroom and living room.
     
  19. Bilbo_baggin's Avatar

    Bilbo_baggin said:

    Default Re: Spiders What the actual fuck???

    Dude, you should nip into the Photos thread and search spiders in that - have a look at the beauty in them when you see HOW FUCKING CLOSE AND BIG THEY ARE when I photograph them. I shit you not, you can see the intricate jaws and fangs and the eight eyes staring right back at you. It'll be therapeutic to see how pretty they really are....

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    Bilbo.
     
  20. Teajunkie's Avatar

    Teajunkie said:

    Default Re: Spiders What the actual fuck???

    I have seen those photos and even commented on a few of them

    is the stuff of nightmares for me.
    I canít look at a picture without feeling sick.

    @piggzy my original post does say I have tried conkers.
    They donít work!
    maybe our spiders down here are just hard bastards that couldnít give a shit about conkers?

    We have had a massive influx of those fake widow spiders here too.
    the outside of our house has hundreds of them, only tiny little things but apparently nasty as fuck if they bite you.
    Instagram and twitter @mrteajunkie.