Jelly Baby

**crack_it** · 29th July 2003

A Jelly Baby walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie. After a few beers the Smartie says "Ere, a bunch of us are heading to that new club, fancy tagging along?" The Jelly Baby says "No mate, I'm a soft centre, I always end up getting my head kicked in." So Smartie says "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case, I'll look after you." Jelly Baby thinks about it for a minute and says "Fair enough, as long as you'll look after me", and off they go.
After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets walk in. As soon as he sees them, Smartie hides under the table. The Lockets take one look at Jelly Baby and start kicking him, breaking bottles over his little jelly head, lamping him with little sugary chairs, and generally having a laugh. After a while they get bored and walk out. Jelly Baby pulls his battered Jelly Baby body over to the table and wipes up his Jelly Baby blood and turns to Smartie and says "I thought you were going to look after me."

"I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are f..king menthol".

**God is a DJ** · 29th July 2003

oh dear oh dear

DJ

**Mr Olympia** · 29th July 2003

That's a fookin belter...

**kjun** · 29th July 2003

hehehehehe
reminds me of :

A slab of tarmac sitting in a pub, mouthing off to the barman that he is the hardest, most solid piece of concrete in the bar, when suddenly another piece of tarmac with a white stripe walks in, and the slab hides behind his chair and looks scared shitless, the barman goes to him, "I thought you were the hardest, most powerful piece of concrete ever", and the slab goes "Yeah, but he's a cycle-path"

I know its old, but its on topic

**ibobsy** · 30th July 2003

HeHe reminds me of this one....also on topic..

There are two Mexicans who have been lost in the desert for weeks, and
they're at death's door. As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the

form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through the heat
haze, a tree, off in the distance.

As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with rasher upon
rasher of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving

juicy nearly- raw bacon, all sorts.

"Hey, Pepe" says the first bloke (Don Pedro). "ees a bacon tree!!!

We're saved!!!"

"You're right, amigo!" says Pepe.

So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the

prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree,

there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of

bullets. His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to

the dying Pepe.

"Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?"

With his dying breath Pepe calls out.... "Ugh, run, amigo, run!! ees

not a Bacon Tree"

Scroll Down, its worth it !

"ees... a.... Ham bush"