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Thread: Adult Jokes

  1. #1
    DF VIP Member DaveTheRave's Avatar
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    Default Adult Jokes

    NIGHTMARE #1

    >>After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over,

    >>pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.

    >>Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There

    >>might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened

    >>the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting

    >>neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. naturally, the

    >>guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.

    >>"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend

    >>then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his

    >>ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly,

    >>the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."



    >> NIGHTMARE #2


    The spark had been lost in this guy's marriage, so he was trying to

    >>think of a way to rekindle it. One night he came from work, and

    >>found his wife asleep in bed. He thought to himself, "what should I

    >>do?" "Oh-I know." He proceeded to get under the covers and go down

    >>on his wife. Soon she began to gently squirm and moan in pleasure.

    >>After a few minutes, her body spasmed with ecstasy as she climaxed.

    >>Afterwards, the man went straight to the bathroom to brush his

    >>teeth. When he got there, the light was on and he saw his wife

    >>there shaving her legs. He exclaimed, "What are you doing in

    >>here?!?" She said, "Shhhh!," pointing at the bed, "You'll wake your

    >>mother"

    >>

    >>NIGHTMARE #3

    One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to

    >>kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling

    >>a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand

    >>against the wall and smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you

    >>give me a blow job?" Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My

    >>parents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this

    >>hour?" He asks grinning at her. "No, please. Can you imagine if we

    >>get caught?" "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all

    >>sleeping!" "No way. It's just too risky!" "Oh please, please, I

    >>love you so much?!?" "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just

    >>can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?" Out of the blue, the light on the

    >>stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair

    >>disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead

    >>and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need be, mom says

    >>she can come down herself and do it But for God's sake tell him to

    >>take his hand off the intercom!"





    This is VERY IMPORTANT! if you do not read the entire message YOU MUST read the last several paragraphs. DO NOT HESITATE! Did you know that you can tell from the skin whether a person is sexually active or not.

    1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes
    hair shiny and skin smooth.

    2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the
    pores and makes your skin glow.

    3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.

    4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

    5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases the body endorphin into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.

    6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

    7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.

    8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

    9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

    10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a
    national antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

  2. #2
    DF VIP Member maverick_15's Avatar
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    Default Re: Adult Jokes

    lol, nightmare #3 is brilliant

  3. #3
    DF VIP Member [Slip]'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Adult Jokes

    seriously old! :|

  4. #4
    DF VIP Member DaveTheRave's Avatar
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    Default Re: Adult Jokes

    sorry mate i hadn't seen beforeoops

  5. #5
    DF VIP Member Chippa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Adult Jokes

    The 3rd nightmare one was actually made into an advert for Mastercard. You can download it here:
    http://txc.net.au/~mapie/MasterCard.asf

  6. #6
    DF VIP Member maverick_15's Avatar
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    Default Re: Adult Jokes

    hmm, it doesnt work for me perhaps because my computer is crap. can anyone put it into a zipped file and upload it either to df or onto another site? cheers

  7. #7
    DF Probation Porthos's Avatar
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    Default Re: Adult Jokes

    nightmare 2 is fukin shit, why is his Mom in his bed man. Nightmare 3's well funny, would have rathered seen it as the video, cheers 4 it chippa!

  8. #8
    DF VIP Member maverick_15's Avatar
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    Default Re: Adult Jokes

    just watched the video, ****ing brilliant, thanx chippa

  9. #9
    DF VIP Member Deltic3's Avatar
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    Default Re: Adult Jokes

    #3 is a classic - the video is funny as f*ck aswell!!

  10. #10
    DF MaSter aramis's Avatar
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    Default Re: Adult Jokes

    three is good

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