some more jokes....:)

[toto67]

Sex On The Beach

A policeman sent his wife and child to a sea resort for a vacation. After a week he joined them in the hotel. As soon as he came to the hotel room he wanted to make love with his wife.
- No darling, we can’t do it here, our kid is watching us.
- You are right, lets go to the beach.
After a while, they start to make love on an empty beach. All of a sudden, a policeman run into them.
- Put your cloths on immediately, shame on you, you can’t do that in public.
- You are right - said the husband - but it was a moment of weakness. We didn’t see each other for a week. By the way, I am a policeman too and it would be very embarrassing if you fine me.
- Don’t worry, you are a colleague and it is your first time. But this is the third time I caught this bitch making love on this beach in the last week and she will have to pay for it.....

And heres another...my favourite


Girls Night Out

Two women friends had gone for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly
over-enthusiastic on the cocktails.

Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee.

They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a head stone or something.

The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she thought she'd take off her
panties, use them, then throw them away.

Her friend, however, was wearing
a rather expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers but was
lucky to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on one of the graves and proceeded to wipe herself with that.

After finishing, they then made off for home.

The next day the first woman's husband phoned the other husband and said, "These damn girls night out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties."

"That's nothing, said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck between the cheeks of her ass that said,
"From All of Us At the Fire Station, We'll Never Forget You."

[easy]

Sorry mate but they're just average to me, didn't really do anything for me

[toto67]

ach well never mind...heres some more



One day Mongo is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to
investigate. "Whatcha doin?" he asked. Mongo replies, "My goldfish died and I'm burying
him." "That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked the neighbor. Mongo shot
back, "That's because he's inside your ****in' cat!'

***********
"I'm telling you, Carol, I've never been happier, " Betty told her friend. "I have two boyfriends.
One is just fabulous...handsome, sensitive, caring and considerate." What in the
world do you need the second one for?" Carol asked?" "Oh," Betty replied, "the second one is straight."
***********
Once there was a little boy and girl taking a bath together. The girl looked between the boys
legs and said, "What's that? Can I touch it?" The little boy said, "Of course not, you already
tore off yours."
*******
A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.
"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies.
"O.K. do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife.
"No, no boyfriend either."
"Do you have a partner then?"
"No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own."
After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black"
"Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a porno movie. The lead man was black."
"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."
"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes."
"Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."
At this the midwife again apologizes collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the bum.
The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Well thank god for that!"
"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.
"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that it was going to bark."
********A guy in a mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shotgun. "Open the ****ing safe," he yells at the girl behind the counter.
"But we're not a real bank," she replies. "We don't have any money, this is a sperm bank."
"Don't argue, open the ****ing safe or I'll blow your head off," says the guy with the gun.
She obliges and once she's opened the safe door the guy says, "Take out one of the bottles and drink it."
"But it's full of sperm!" she replies nervously.
"Don't argue, just drink it," he says as he waves the shotgun in a threatening manner.
She pries the cap off and gulps it down. "Take out another one and drink it too," he demands. She takes out another and drinks it as well.
Suddenly the guy pulls off the mask and to the woman's amazement it's her husband.
"There," he says "It's not that ****ing difficult, is it?" ...

[Schott]

lol, 'Girls nite out'- nice one

[big man]

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth

That one is class