Farting

[flumperino]

Dear Uncle CJ

We all know that we like the smell of our own brand. Yes, when we drop one more evil than the lovechild of the Kray twins, we exclaim 'oof that's terrible' to those around, and apologise profusely, when in actual fact we are marvelling at the greatness of our creation.

Anyway, my problem is that I am my own worst critic, and am continually trying to improve my product. I've been eating progressively stronger chillis everynight, mixed in with vindaloo, and then having curry sandwiches for breakfast with the leftovers from the previous night. I have even begun taking a tin of beans into work, and eating them cold in the bog during my, now frequent, toilet breaks. I even sank to a new low yesterday, by snatching a filthy half eaten chilli kebab from a hobo who had picked it out of a bin.

My office at work now has a constant earthy, musky smell, and my colleagues have approached the union in an attempt to get me ousted - one even joked about getting me drunk, and taking me to a colonic irrigation clinic! (i don't think he as joking though ).

Please help me, I need to stop, but I just cant...

.......

....ooo-ahhhhh......

mmmmm....fruity

[flumperino]

CJ

I'm desperate now - I am up before the board on Monday to discuss the situation.

....but i'm going for all you can eat chinese tomorrow night.

Advise me please

[rudey]

start eating more wholemeal bread m8ty , or buy a very big cork

[flumperino]

Don't matter now anyhoo....got fired yesterday

[BadTaste]

if you cant fart at work where can u fart :nono

[ShadowMoses]

if you cant fart at work where can u fart :nono

in bed with yer misses DUTCH OVEN STYLEEE (after finishing up with the canoodling :tongue )

Moses

[daz73]

mushy peas are the answer....oh yes!

[Lou_smorals]

Hi
I was working once away from home at the Para's barracks at Aldershott and was given the chance to "live in." It was before the days of mobile phones and I went to the on camp telephonebox to call my Mrs @ home - Now when I am in telephone boxes / lifts I have an incredable urge to fart and this day was no exception. I missed my wife and was a long time in the callbox (old red no ventilation type) and farting like a camel :| anyway....just as I was noticing that the telephone box smelt like a football park toilets there was a knock on the glass behind me and I turned round to see a long line of para's that resembled shaved gorrilas. the Yeti @ the front says hurry up ffs. I did...the guy at the front and his m8 chased me for what seemed like an age and promised to give me the kicking of my life if they ever seen me in the callbox again.

If you were one of the shaved apes in that line - I hope u enjoyed inhaling the contents of my ass LOLOL :| :thumbs

[epitaph100]

First of all a quick hello. I was told to come here by the folks in 'introduce yourself' and i could barely mask my delight when a thread about the intracies of the (to quote my primary school teacher) 'bottom burp' appreared before me.

I personally am of the opinion that this unique and satisfying activity is possibly the answer to the world's woes. So often the gasses that we produce are just left to waft, untapped into the atmosphere. If we are to truly negotiate the energy crisis when oil and coal run dry (and the scientific community have unanimously proven nuclear energy to be as safe as clipping your nasal hairs with a hedge-trimer) then raw methane is the answer.

I for one have had the forsight to tap and bottle all my wind passings and will proceed to sell them to the likes of BP and Shell at a tremenedous profit in 25 years time. I will become the world's first methane baron.

<wicked cackless fade out to the top of a tin wistle played by a blowfish>

Epi