Nightmares!!!!

[toto67]

Nightmare #1

After a long night making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for a lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had any matches. "There might be some in the top drawer" she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a gframed picture of another man. Naturally the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he enquired nervously. "No, silly" she replied, snuggling up to him..........."Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all", she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is it then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmy the girl replied, "Thats me before the operation".



Nightmare #2



The spark had been lost in this guys marriage, so he was trying to think of a way to rekindle it. One night he came home from work, and found his wife asleep in bed. He thought to himself "what should I do now? Oh, I know" so he proceeded to get under the covers and go down on his wife. Soon she began to gently squirm and moan in pleasdure. After a few minutes, her body spasmed in ecstasy as she climaxed. Afterwards, the man went straight to the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he got there, the light was on and his wife was there shaving her legs. "What are you doing in here!?!" he shouted. "Shhh, " she said, pointing at the bed, "You'll wake your mother".:coffee:



Nightmare #3

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans against the wall smiling and days to her"Honey, would you give me a blow job?". Horrified, she replies "are you mad? My parents might see us!" "Oh. come on. Who's gonna see us at this time of night" he asks her, grinning. "No, please, she says, "can you imagine if we get caught?" "Oh, come on" he says, "theres no-one around, they're all sleeping". "No way, It's just too risky" "Oh, please, please, I love you so much!!!" "No, no, no, I love you topo, but I just can't". "Oh yes you can, please baby" Out of the blue, the light on the stair goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair dishevelled, and in a sleepy vouce, says"Dad says go ahead and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need be, mum says she can come down herself and do it, but for gods sake, tell him to take his hand of the ****ing intercom!"

[toto67]

And another wee joke ...



After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last winter, a Seattle man
departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the
next day at the conclusion of her business trip to Minneapolis.
They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice time
together.Unfortunately, there was some sort of mix up at the boarding gate
and the man was told he would have to wait for a later flight. He tried
to appeal to a supervisor but was told the airline was not responsible for the
problem and it would do no good to complain.
Upon arrival at the hotel the next day, he discovered that Miami Beach was
having a heat wave and its weather was almost as uncomfortably hot as
Seattle's was cold. The desk clerk gave him a message that his wife would
arrive as planned. He could hardly wait to get to the pool area to cool
off, and quickly sent his wife an e-mail-but, due to his haste, he made an
error in the address. His message therefore arrived at the home of an
elderly preacher's wife whose even older husband had gone to his reward
only the day before.
When the grieving widow opened her e-mail, she took one look at the
monitor, let out an anguished scream, and fell to the floor dead. Her
family rushed to her room where they saw this message on the screen:

Dearest Wife,Departed yesterday as you know. Just now got checked in.
Some confusion at the gate. Appeal was denied. Received confirmation=of your arrival tomorrow.

Your Loving Husband.

P.S. Things are not as we thought You're going to be surprised at how hot it is down here.

[super mike]

hahahahahahahaha

[ShadowMoses]

lol, very good,


Pretty sure the third one is off an advert i have seen. Think it was a Master card one!

Moses

[VeRbIeR]

LOL


A good set of jokes there

[incognito™]

that last joke is a Visa advert... cot an mpeg of it here lol still funny as fook

[-G-Man-]

Nightmare #3

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans against the wall smiling and days to her"Honey, would you give me a blow job?". Horrified, she replies "are you mad? My parents might see us!" "Oh. come on. Who's gonna see us at this time of night" he asks her, grinning. "No, please, she says, "can you imagine if we get caught?" "Oh, come on" he says, "theres no-one around, they're all sleeping". "No way, It's just too risky" "Oh, please, please, I love you so much!!!" "No, no, no, I love you topo, but I just can't". "Oh yes you can, please baby" Out of the blue, the light on the stair goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair dishevelled, and in a sleepy vouce, says"Dad says go ahead and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need be, mum says she can come down herself and do it, but for gods sake, tell him to take his hand of the ****ing intercom!"

bahahaha!!! :thumbs