cricket jokes
I am not a cricket fan, but these seem reasonably good enough to share
Question 1 - What do the wicketkeeper Geraint Jones and Michael Jacksonhave in common ?
ANSWER : They both wear gloves for no apparent reason.
Question 2 - What does the spinner Ashley Giles put in his hands to ensurea wicket with the very next ball
ANSWER : A cricket bat.
Greatest Cricketing sledges of all time?.......
1. Rod Marsh & Ian Botham: When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marshwelcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife &my kids?"
2. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne: As Cullinan was on his way to thewicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance tohumiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.
3. Glenn McGrath (bowling to portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer EddoBrandes): "Hey Eddo, why are you so f**ing fat?" Eddo Brandes: "Becauseeverytime I f*** your mother, she throws me a biscuit"
4. Robin Smith & Merv Hughes: During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smithafter he played and missed:"You can't f**king bat". Smith to Hughes after hesmacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can'tf**king bat & you can't f**king bowl."
5. Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad: During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed calledMerv a fat bus conductor. A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed: "Ticketsplease", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.
6. Merv Hughes & Viv Richards: During a test match in the West Indies,Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him afterdeliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring atme.In my culture we just bowl." Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed himhe announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f**k off."
7. And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which waspicked up by the Channel 9 microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for arunner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "Youdon't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c**t!!!"
8. James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greetedby Mark Waugh.......
MW : "f*ck me, look who it is. Mate, what are youdoing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England"
JO :"Maybe not, but at least i'm the best player in my family"
9. McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: "So what does Brian Lara's d*ck tastelike?"
Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife."
McGrath (losing it): "If youever f*&king mention my wife again, I'll f*ing rip your f*fing throatout."
10. Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comesto the crease playing & missing the first ball.
Mark - "Ohh, I rememberyou from a couple years ago in Australia. You were sh*t then, you'refu*king useless now".
Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when Iwas there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you'vemarried her. You dumb c*nt".
11. Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankanbatsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt thebatsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character toget out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up, "Put aMars Bar on a good length. That should do it."
12. Ravi Shastri v/s the aussie 12th man (don't remember who, and don'twant to slander anyone ) Shastri hits it to this guy and looks for asingle...this guy gets the ball in and says "if you leave the crease i'llbreak your f***ing head" Shastri: "if you could bat as well as you cantalk you wouldn't be the f***ing 12th man"
13. Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed acouple of times. Marshall: "Now David, are you going to get out now or amI going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?"
14. Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to firstslip,and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word. Atthe end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. "Ishould've kept my legs together, Fred". "So should your mother" hereplied.
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