Some cheesy jokes! :)
Some cheesy jokes to brighten up your Sunday morning
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What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
Plenty of room!!!
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What's brown and sticky?
A stick!
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What did Captain Cook say to his men before they boarded the ship?
Get on that ship, men!
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2 Eggs in a frying pan.
1st egg says to the other "Cor, its hot in here"
2nd egg replies "OMG, a talking egg!"
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Why are pirates called pirates
Cause they just Aaaaaargh.
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Three legged dog walks into a saloon and says “howdie”
Bar keep says “howdie, can I pour you a shot”
The dog replies “sod that, who shot my paw”
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What swings through the jungle and explodes?
A baboom.
What's white and fluffy and swings through the jungle?
A meringutan.
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A white horse walks into a pub...
The barman says: "We've got a whisky named after you ..."
The horse says: "What Eric?"
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Two fish are in a tank.
One turns to the other and says "how do you drive this thing?"
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Two owls playing pool
One of them touches the ball with his wing."Two hits,mate" he says.
The other owl says
"Two-hits-to-who"........
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What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A FSH
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk
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2 crisps were walkin down the road when a car pulls up besides them.
The guy in the car shouts "hey do you guys want a lift"
The crisps reply "no thanks were walkers"
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Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?
He bought himself a warehouse.
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A small dude storms into a doctor's office and screams, "DOCTOR DOCTOR.
I'M ONLY 30cm TALL!! " The doctor replies, "calm down, you'll just have to be a little patient."
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Two pieces of tarmac walk into a pub. First one is part of the M1 and starts bragging “I’m well hard, I have 40,000 cars go over me a day!”. “Yeah?” says the second piece of tarmac, “well I’m part of the M25 and have 100,000 cars run over me every day, so top that!”.
Then the door to the pub swings open and a red piece of tarmac comes walking in, throws several tables out of the way and storms into the toilet. The first 2 pieces of tarmac take one look at him and scarper into the darkest corner of the pub. Barman asks them why they are so scared of the red tarmac “That blokes a cyclepath!”
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
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What do you call a woman with one leg shorter that the other ?
Eileen
What do you call a chinese woman with one leg shorter that the other ?
Irene
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What's got 8 legs and a big black ****?
The A-Team.
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Did you know diarrhoea was hereditary ?? It is cos it runs in your genes.
A man goes to his local quarry and says "I'd like a small rock please", the foreman says "Boulder?", the man says "I'd like a small rock please".
Mickey and Minnie Mouse are in the divorce court. The Judge says "I'm sorry Mickey, but you can't divorce your wife just because she has buck teeth". Mickey says "I didn't say she had buck teeth, I said she was ***ing Goofy"
How do turn a duck into a soul singer ? Put into a microwave until it's Bill Withers.
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