You've probably seem these before , but what the hell, they made me chuckle!!
Bill and Bob were Siamese twins, joined at the hip,
They went to the pub and Bob told the barman they were going to France on holiday.
"Oh, you want to eye up all those French girls, drinking coffee in the
pavement cafes?" said the barman.
"No, not really" said Bob
"Its all that haute cuisine and fine wine you'll be after" said the
barman
"No, not we're not very keen on foreign food" said Bob
"So you're going to visit all the historic places and museums" said the
barman
"No, not we're not interested in all that cultural stuff" said Bob
"So why France? asked the barman
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... It gives Bill a chance to drive the car" said Bob
Police were called to a Pizza Hut in Blackpool at the weekend
after the body of a worker was found covered in mushrooms,
onions, ham and cheese. A Police spokesman said that the cause
of death had not been established but there was a strong
possibility that the man had topped himself.
A man takes his dog to the vets as he was ill, the vet checks
the dog over and says I am sorry he is dead.
Man says he cannot be dead, I want a second opinion, so out
comes a Labrador,
The Labrador also checks all around the mans dog, sniffing
at his bum, but still no response, he shakes his head at
the vet, the vet tells the man again - I'm sorry your dog is
dead, the man demands a third opinion, so out comes a cat,
The cat scratches the dogs nose, jumps all over him, bites
his ears, but still no response, the cat walks off shaking
his head, the vet tells the man again - I'm sorry your dog
is dead.
The man satisfied that his dog is dead asks the vet how
much he owes him, the vet replies that will be £300.00
please. The man is shocked and asks why so much, the vet
replies, it would only be £25.00 normally but you asked for
a lab report and a cat scan.
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