SEEDY SONGS and ROTTEN RHYMES

**Shambles** · 8th December 2005

Some timewasters I found today.

"In An English Country Garden"

What do you do if you wanna do a poo, in an English country garden?
You pull down yer pants and paralyse the ants, in an English country garden.
Then get a leaf and wipe your underneath, in an English country garden.
Then get a spade and bury what you made, in an English country garden.

How many times have you had it off in an English country garden?
I've had it twice and I think it's very nice in an English country garden
Buttercups and hollyhocks, sticking up your bollycocks
Small creepy crawlies crawling up your arse
With your hand on her tit and your finger on her clit
In an English country garden.

_________________________________________

Beverly Hillbillies

Come and listen to my story about a man named Jed
Went for a wank in the garden shed
In came Ellie dancing in the nude
And up from his dick came a bubbling crude

So lets get back to Jed in the garden shed
Shagging Ellie-May till his balls went red
In came Granny dancing in the nude
Jed said "Fuck off Granny, I'm not shagging you"

I wanna tell ya story 'bout a man named Fred
He couldn't find the toilet so he went behind the shed,
He had no toilet paper, wiped his backside with a leaf,
Along came Granny and kicked him in the teeth.

_________________________________________

Leprosy

{to the tune of Yesterday}

Leprosy,
I'm not half the man I used to be,
Since I became an amputee.
Oh, I believe in leprosy!

Leprosy.
All my skin is falling off of me.
I'm not half the man I used to be,
Since i contracted leprosy.
Kiss me quick, before the skin falls off my upper lip.

_________________________________________

Mary, Mary Quite Contrary

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
I live in a flat you stupid twat
So how the fuck should I know?

_________________________________________

.. and so on and so on.

More here if you could be arsed 8)

**incognito�** · 9th December 2005

ha ha ha ha ... brilliant

**Apocalypse** · 9th December 2005

muwahaha, very good mate

**dannyboy** · 9th December 2005

Sounds like somethin the Macc Lads would sing. Anyone remember them? Songs like Sweaty Betty and Charlotte (The biggest slag in Macc)!

**GameKing** · 9th December 2005

nice find shambles, I will never be able to watch re-runs uf "the beverly hillbillies" on U.K gold without pissing myself

I`ve found one for CJ.............

bestiality's best
(ed: this odd offering is sung to the tune of "Tie Me Kangaroo Down"

Bestiality's best, boys,
Bestiality's best.(shag a wallaby!)
Bestiality's best,boys,
Bestiality's best.

Have a screw with a shrew,boys,
Have a screw with a shrew,
Have a screw with a shrew, boys,
Have a screw with a shrew.

Intercourse with a horse, boys,
Intercourse with a horse,
Intercourse with a horse, boys,
Intercourse with a horse

Bombay roll with a mole, boys,
Bombay roll with a mole
Bombay roll with a mole, boys,
Bombay roll with a mole.

Throw your muck up a duck, boys,
Throw your muck up a duck,
Throw your muck up a duck, boys,
Throw your muck up a duck.

Stick your log up a dog, boys,
Stick your log up a dog,
Stick your log up a dog, boys,
Stick your log up a dog