Please don't ask me that!

**Roach-Rampino** · 6th February 2006

I was chatting to a pal about my impending wedding and was laughing at certain questions all birds will inevitably ask at some point. The classic being "how many people have you slept with?" which is just something I don't want to discuss.

Another would be "when you wank, do you think about me?" or "You'd never sleep with pr0stitute would you?"

You get the general idea. Let's have a few more suggestions of cringeworthy, awkward questions that you really wish your partner wouldn't ask!

**flanflinger** · 6th February 2006

Ever had a threesome or more?

**BertRoot** · 6th February 2006

Ever took it up the wrong un off a geezer called Kate?

Ever worn your mums clothes and gone out for the evening?

Ever robbed scanties off someones washing line and bathed in them?

Ever had a tit wank off a man who had tits?

Ever rammed a can of deodorant up yer arse to see what it feels like?

**cyprus** · 6th February 2006

"How many other girls have you fucked in the ass?"

/me hides

**flanflinger** · 6th February 2006

Originally Posted by bertroot

Ever took it up the wrong un off a geezer called Kate?

Ever worn your mums clothes and gone out for the evening?

Ever robbed scanties off someones washing line and bathed in them?

Ever had a tit wank off a man who had tits?

Ever rammed a can of deodorant up yer arse to see what it feels like?

lol... take it you talking from experience there lol

**AJ_007** · 6th February 2006

If you had to shag one of my mates who would it be? I hate that one coz no matter what you say about her fit mates she will have a sh*t on with you

**CzarJunkie** · 6th February 2006

when you wank, do you think about me?

The answer to that should always be a firm and confident NO. It's reverse psychology used by all girls to test our honesty. They all know we think about shagging other people and if we answer yes, they know we are lieing so what else have we lied about? Crafty fuckers.

The best question I've ever been asked is:

If I was in an accident and ended up in a wheelchair would you still find me attractive?

What can I say, she was on medication.

**BertRoot** · 6th February 2006

Originally Posted by CzarJunkie

If I was in an accident and ended up in a wheelchair would you still find me attractive?

And the answer to that one should always be 'Of course dear if there are easy points of entry and if I can strap a harness to it. If you will also do a Joey Deacon impression then the answer is yes and hourly.'

**Roach-Rampino** · 6th February 2006

Originally Posted by CzarJunkie

If I was in an accident and ended up in a wheelchair would you still find me attractive?

What can I say, she was on medication.

Questions asked in the negative are always a bear-trap...."you don't like my friends do you?"

**CzarJunkie** · 6th February 2006

Originally Posted by bertroot

And the answer to that one should always be 'Of course dear if there are easy points of entry and if I can strap a harness to it. If you will also do a Joey Deacon impression then the answer is yes and hourly.'

Well, if I told you we'd since had some ramps fitted to enhance our sex play I think you'll get a pretty good idea of what my answer was.......

**flanflinger** · 6th February 2006

ha ha ha Deeeeeeacon!

strangely enough though I find girls in wheelchairs alluring... I think its the fact the bitches cant run away screaming

**CzarJunkie** · 6th February 2006

Originally Posted by flanflinger

ha ha ha Deeeeeeacon!
strangely enough though I find girls in wheelchairs alluring... I think its the fact the bitches cant run away screaming

lol, oh no. I wish I hadn't posted my question now. Think we've crossed a line.

**jimbob2002** · 6th February 2006

oh yes, that time in the relationship where all the awkward questions come out, its fucking cringeworthy isnt it.

How many women have you had is always a tricky one, you dont want to be honest as she'll think youre a complete cunt, but you've got to make it reasonably realistic or she'll know you're fibbing.

The have you shagged a whore one, thats an easy one, always deny it, always!

What do you think about when you wank? I suggest lieing about having ever wanked before except maybe once to see what it was like.
Obviously this lie can only be maintained until that time she walks in on your cracking one off to some filthy porn you've got on in the living room when you thought she was asleep.

The whole subject of porn can be awkward especially if your missus watches a bit of the porn to see what kind of women and sexual acts you are cracking one off to. Its always handy for them to press play on the dvd player and rewind a minute or so to see which bird or act you "finished off" on. I find some birds get pissed off when the birds in the porn are nothing like them, eg your dating a brunete with small tits but yet your wanking off to busty blonde porn, that doesnt half give them an inferiority complex.

I once made the mistake of trying to convince a bird that I saw porn birds differently, how you wouldnt want to go out with a porno type bird, and how its really just a fantasy thing for sex only but you'd not really be intrested in finding a g/f like that. That didnt work but instead convinced her that I didnt find her sexually attractive etc.

A really awkward one I find is if when you meet your birds friend and you've either shagged her, or chatted her up b4 you started going out with your bird. Their mate tells them and they come to you asking who you prefer and slagging their mate off saying how can you fancy her she's got a big nose, fat thighs etc.

A tricky one is when they ask if they are the best sex you've had.
You should never really tell them that there was this bird from Middleton that was dirty as you like and went like a train, but somehow you cant stop yourself from saying it, then you spend the rest of the night trying to climb out of the big hole you've dug by trying to convince her that what you have is much more special etc.

I will have a think for others, I'm sure theres more.

**yankee** · 6th February 2006

"do you love me?" or "I love you." when you don't love them back. That's a relationship killer if ever there were one.

**evilsatan** · 6th February 2006

Originally Posted by flanflinger

ha ha ha Deeeeeeacon!

strangely enough though I find girls in wheelchairs alluring... I think its the fact the bitches cant run away screaming

No...they can roll away instead

**Roach-Rampino** · 6th February 2006

Originally Posted by yankee

"do you love me?" or "I love you." when you don't love them back. That's a relationship killer if ever there were one.

LOL and the answer "well......... I really like you.........a lot" doesn't cut the mustard does it?

**MercuryRises** · 6th February 2006

Originally Posted by Roach-Rampino

LOL and the answer "well......... I really like you.........a lot" doesn't cut the mustard does it?

To be honest, a pause in any answer to a girl is bad.

Especially if you pause during the answer to "does my bum look fat"

**beerman** · 6th February 2006

Originally Posted by MercuryRises

To be honest, a pause in any answer to a girl is bad.
Especially if you pause during the answer to "does my bum look fat"

Lol, that's an unconditional NO, no pause, just a nice loud NO.

**MercuryRises** · 6th February 2006

Originally Posted by beerman

Lol, that's an unconditional NO, no pause, just a nice loud NO.

Yeah.......Well, I know that NOW!!

**Crags** · 6th February 2006

Originally Posted by beerman

Lol, that's an unconditional NO, no pause, just a nice loud NO.

lol - i find that one best if you drag it out, like a good old Nooooooooooo.

A tricky one is when they ask if they are the best sex you've had.
You should never really tell them that there was this bird from Middleton that was dirty as you like and went like a train, but somehow you cant stop yourself from saying it, then you spend the rest of the night trying to climb out of the big hole you've dug by trying to convince her that what you have is much more special etc.

Absolutely BEAUTIFULLY put mate lol