Cancer & chemotherapy,info required.

[beekae]

I appreciate this isnt a "normal" subject to discuss,but Im looking for information.
I realise that there wont be too many medical professionals on here,but there may be members that have life experience of cancer.

My mother in law has been diagnosed with cancer.She is a widow,with 3 daughters,and I seem to be the nominated "man".

The cancer was diagnosed in the oesophagus originally.Its now been found to have spread to the stomach lining and liver.
This has all been over the past 8 weeks or so.

We eventually met the oncologist from the "Beatson" yesterday,but he told us very little.
He more of less said,do you want chemotherapy or not,and avoided all specific questions.Sign of the times I suppose.
My Mother-In_Law immediately said yes.

We have arranged another meeting to ask more questions.

The most pressing question is of course,how long has she got,and is the suffering of chemo worth it,for a short life extension.
But,how do you ask that,when she doesnt want to know.
She knows she cant be cured,but believes(wrongly) that as long as she goes along with it,all will be ok.Denial I suppose.

Sorry for rambling on,but I feel ive read,and know more than them and,whilst optimism is a great medicine,reality has to kick in sometime.

The family think she's got years,I think its more like months,and am concerned that chemo will only make her suffer more than she has to.

Any advice or personal experiences appreciated.

[BadTaste]

From personal experience chemo works with some people and don’t with others I’ve known many of people to be cured from chemo so it is possible.
I had chemo for 6-8 months didn’t work for me so I had to have radiotherapy which caused my tumour to freeze so it’s static still getting check ups every 6 months

Chemo - Causes sickness can last for 2-4 days constant being sick *my experience* and it Can make you very weak differs for people again

Hope this helps; don’t hesitate to question me more if you need some help of any kind

[Crilly]

Very sorry to hear this.

First of all i am not really able to offer any real advise but as you said you would like to hear of people's experiences.

My dad died of bowel cancer 19 years ago, it may seem a long time ago, but to me it still feels like yesterday. He was wrongly diagnosed for over two years so by the time it had been discovered it had spead all over his body.

He was offered chemo but was told that it would have little effect other than to slow the progress of the cancer, he was terminal. He was advised the of the effects chemo can have and made the decision not to have it, but to try and make the most of the time he had left rather than spend it with the side effects of chemo.

I think at the time he was diagnosed which was about 20 years ago they did not have the treatments that are available now, however the information he got about his condition was straight to the point, not what he wanted to hear but at least he nwe where he stood and was able to make a decision as to what he need to do.

I think that this is the most important thing in this case is that you and your mother in law and family are crystal clear as to what the situation is. Your family must understans that your mother in law will not be thinking straight and will need all the support she can get.

Once everyone is clear on the situation, and for your family it is very important to accept what is being said and not to live in hope that a miracle will happen as i did for over a year, then they can offer more support to your mother in law.

I hope that things do turn our for the best and as i said at the beginning this is just my views based on personel experience.

[beekae]

@BadTaste;
We were told that chemo woul,on average,add around a month to lifespan.
Because of the amount of info to digest,it was only after that I wondered if that was specific,or in general.
Surgery was mentioned earlier,then they decided it wasnt suitable.Bad sign,i know.
Next they said they'd go for chemo and radiotherapy,although radiotherapy hasnt been mentioned now.
She is 60,and weve been told that "success" is 50/50,and that means holding it in check.I also realise that chemo cant go on forever.

Thanks BadTaste,for your help,all the best to you m8.

[beekae]

Crilly,I think youve summed up my feelings m8.
Im going to lay my cards on the table tomorrow,to the girls,not my mother in law.
Not looking forward to it,but theres a lot of decisions to be made and this will be the first,and maybe most important.
I know there looking for positives,and in denial.Negative thoughts arent welcome.
Fk,I hate sh!t like this.

[wavesta]

Hey Beekae very sorry to hear that m8... I finished (got the all clear) chemo 8 years ago. Had various different kinds over the course of 2 1/2 years just purely to find one that could kill the bastard thing! I'll be honest i wouldn't wish it on anybody it really knocks the sh!t out of you in every way. Like BadTaste said it can affect people in different ways, I had various different symptoms with each course that I had, from sickness, nose bleeds, shortness of breath and just generaly fooked up and I still have fookin tinitus

This cancer that your mother in law has sounds pretty aggresive as it has been spreading very quickly so that will probably mean moving fast on the treatment...feet won't touch the ground stuff! In my experience the staff on the cancer ward are well generaly god sent and will be very supportive of the family etc so as I'm not medicaly minded (experience or not) it would be hard to say how she will react to all the chemicals but you can be pretty sure it will really suck sometimes whatever treatment they decide to give her.

Just remember that a lot of people make it through cancer these days, I did and so did BadTaste so just try to keep her spirits up as best that you can, gonna be tough for your mrs too

I know this isn't a colourful picture but there is no point in bullsh!ting you about it coz it's gonna be tough.....I will say though i always, always tried to keep my spirits up, as a positive outlook in these situation is a real must believe me there were times I just wanted to slope of for a hot bath with a razor blade!

I could ramble on about this for page after page but at the end of the day you're gonna have your work cut out with this one m8, but restassured you'll get all the support and advice that I can offer you and your family(or you need) and I'm sure the rest of the forum will agree and support you throughout the whole scenario!

If you need anything Beekae just PM me m8

[dannyboy]

Hi mate, this wont help but im in the same position as you more or less. My 2 year old nephew was diagnosed with Leukemia earlier today. It's a massive shock for everyone in my family. He's been fine, looks fine and has been fine in the hospital. My sis noticed some bruises and lumps on his legs so she took him to the hospital 3 days ago.

They did tests and said it may be Leukemia, but they'd have to transfer him to Bham childrens hospital for more tests to find out if it is. For 3 days we've been waiting for a bed to come available there and one finally became available today. They did tests, and confirmed it was Leukemia The doc said there's 2 main types, a common one....and a rare type, thats worse. My nephew has the worse one. The Dr said he has 60% chance of being cured too.

He's been crying because he's had to have a blood transfusion but he's been laughing too. They said he's got to have 6 months of Chemotherapy, in 6 weeks blocks I think. This kinda shit shouldn't happen to people and kids

Isn't there anything better to be done? Like paying private or goin to another country or anything? No one can believe this is happening to us

[cronus71]

My granny died of cancer, she did get some additional time with chemo, like 5 years or so. I don't know much about it, as it was kept pretty quiet in the family. I'm not able to advise at all, but after reading you guys, I felt that I should at least say something. I really feel for all of you, and I hope nothing but the best and positive outcomes, I really do.

[DB]

The only difference with going private is the surroundings m8, same consultants just doing overtime.

Im very sorry to hear about beeks relative and your nephew.

Beek im not a cancer nurse but i do have some experience with cancers, this sounds very aggressive and it does indeed sound like she has months not years m8 (i hope im wrong). When cancer spreads to a number of organs, lympth nodes, liver...etc, it is too far gone. I lost my uncle to this last year, he had chemo but decided to stop as it was too painfull for him, like a number of people have said it affects people differently.

Ive got a good mate who is currently going through chemo for testicular cancer, went to see him on the ward and its a bloody grim place. He is coping pretty well, feeling sick and weak all the time but he's managing.

My heart goes out to anyone who has to go through this.

[beekae]

Thanks everyone,for your help and advice.
Im simply an outsider looking in,whereas others are insiders looking out.
Good luck to you all.

[DrunkenSteve]

Hey just noticed this thread and though I should maybe add my input to it,

My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer last janruary and she was given chemo/op/radiotherapy.

The doctors never gave her a %age ie 50% chance of surviving etc.

For around 2-3 days after chemo she was as weak as a pussy cat after and never fully recovered till the following week.

Thankfully my mums operation went well and the follow up treatment is complete so she's "cured" for the moment.

What you as a family have to consider is if the cancer is terminal then is it worth those extra months for your relative to live through chemotherapy if they ae going to spend most of that extra time sick and weak due to post chemo illness.

Hope everything goes as well as it can for you mate and anyone else who is affected by this illness

[DB]

Glad to hear that m8.

[stevo25]

mrs is a cancer radiographer
firstly...on the up side in this day and age of budgets..no treatment is offered without reason.. u need to ask the staging of the cancer.

Chemo is very effective...sometimes with bad side effects..sometimes with minimal ones... u need to ask the regime. Anti sickness drugs etc shud be offered!
Surgery prob is not an option cos of the spread. Radiotherapy may be an option for local control in the future.
Your consultant (who is he?) has to.... and will be honest as to the validity of offering this treatment.. DO NOT be intimidated...if at first he doesn't answer ur Q ask again to explain in English...he will get there in the end.
as to how long...this is such a difficult Q to answer. Any half decent dr will advise u to consider "rolling horizons" sounds a bit shit...but works...also consider any input offered. McMillan nurses are no longer to help the dying but to aid the living.

I wish u the very best..if you get specifics let me know...pm me i'll ask the mrs.

[Ynox]

sometimes people survive- a mate of mine was diagnosed with cancer (not sure what one..) a year or so ago. Hes pretty much ok now. Equally sometimes the shit does hit the fan (lost 2 grandparents and an uncle to cancer)...all I can hope is that it all goes well and maybe one time in the not so future a better way of treating it is maybe found.

If you need to talk PM/grab me on pca_mike@hotmail.com (MSN). Hope things work out.

Mike.

[beekae]

Again,thanks for all the info.
I really appreciate it,I feel guilty now,listening to what some members went/are going through.

I am trying to learn,and give as much information as I can,and there are some very strong people,here on DF,helping me out.

Being the "bad guy",we are going back to see the Oncologist this week.
Im not popular,with the girls,,but whats new.!
I will demand answers/opinions,the stage of acceptance & denial has gone.


Funny....,being Mr.Bad-Tempered,takes on a new light,when your seen as simply that.
It will all be for the best in the long run.
I hope.

God bless and good luck to you all.

[stevo25]

Mr nice guy gets the same answers as mr bad guy!!

just make sure you have the Q's written down....don't rely on remembering things....we all leave our brain at the door of a hospital.

Good luck

The Mrs!!!

[Little John]

Sorry to hear of everyones problems on here, the 2 year old is very upsetting being so young but lukemia treatments can be very sucessfull a lad I knew was diagnosed when he was young about 9 and lived for about 9-10 years after and this was 15 years ago and things have improved.

I know a guy who has just finished a course of chemo and he didnt really suffer much I think the last he told me was it has been sucessfull and he will be going for radiotherapy soon if not already, he has bowel cancer and they hopeto operates soon to remove what they can as it has shrunk with the chemo. I dont really know how he is at the moment I havent spoken with him for a few weeks.

on the other side my gran had a brain tumor whihc killed her within 8 weeks of discovering it, a freinds dad died at the weekend of throat cancer whos wife died a few years ago with breast cancer that was very agressive and it spread to pretty much ever organ but the treatments kept her alive for about 18 months even when the doctors said she had a few months.

I know you dont really want to think about it at the moment but ensure that all your mother in law has any loose ends tied up and informs you of any investments ect for when things end.

[toto67]

I just read this there Beekae and wondered how this has gone since m8..
Back in 1995 I had cancer myself..Everything was fine and I lead a healthy and normal life,well so I thought.Anyway I was at a nightclub with me bro-in-law and he ended up getting rat arsed and caused a bit of a scene..I thought I had sorted it out with one of the bouncers and proceeded to continue drinking then got the old tap on the shoulder,You will need to leave bollocks..so was like ahh **** it,so started to walk out then 2 of them grab me by the arms and I was like get the **** off me..Next thing I remember is waking up in my house,felling like shit..Went for a piss and started to pass blood..nearly shit meself as I couldnt remember WTF had happened just the lead up to it and nowt else..Anyway went ot the Hospital and eventually found out I had a damaged kidney..After a few months got it removed and was about 2 months or so got asked to go into the Beatson in Glasgow for a meeting with the Doctor..Was like ok,spoke to a doctor called Prof Barrett and she proceeded to tell me that I would be starting my Chemo in a few weeks and I was like WTF did you just say
And she just looked at me and said "Has nobody told you" I was like told me what..Then she told me what I had and my mind was a blank after that..Told me family and they didnt believe me..My dad drove into the
Hospital to speak to her as he couldnt take it in....Anyway,I got the Chemo and it was the worst feeling ever!! I felt terrible and was sick for nearly the full day when I first got it..The stupid ****ers forgot to give me anti-sickness jab...The hardest part for my family was my hair going,but I didnt really mind...I shit meself the first time it happened in the shower,I was like WTF is this...The funny thing was Prof Barrett told me that I should thank them bouncers for it,I was like I think not!!!!
She said if they had never assaulted you,then we would NEVER have discovered this disease til it was too late...So in that respect, I was a very lucky guy..Strange I know but a good ending none the less...
Anyway, sorry for the rant but just wanted to give my background regarding it.....
Beekae,it will be a very telling time on her with the Chemo m8 but could give her a bit longer to live..NEVER give up the ghost
Prof Barrett isnt there anymore m8 but was one of the nicest doctors I have ever met.nothing was ever a bother too her..I could phone her up and time and ask her if I was worried about it...She ended up leaving as there was some politics shite going on at the hospital and was a MJOR loss to it...I have another doctor there now and go there once every year as that usually happens for routine purposes..
I think it affects family members more than the person with it,well in my case as I just got on with it....As lifes too short to worry about things.
It puts things into a different light when shit like that happens and you enjoy things more......Hope all is well with the people who have been affected by the BASTARD disease and one day they find something that will beat it....
If you could let me know how things are going too m8....

[beekae]

Jeez m8,didnt know that.Here was me thinking you were just a blue-rinse,bint chaser,with not a care in the world...good on ye !
For the record,and only in case it may help anyone else.
She's now staying between us and one of her other daughters.
The chemo started last week,which involves an overnight stay once every three weeks.Shes also got a picc line,a tube inserted into her arm,which runs through a vein into her heart.From her arm,there is an external tube thats connected to a small bag/pump thats drips the drugs into her system.This is changed every week.

From a very headstrong woman,who would run about sorting and cleaning,within that short time she has turned into a weak wee woman,who doesnt care.
She can "eat" only liquids,cant sleep,is sick every few hours,and will lose her hair next week.

The mood swings,mean were now dealing with a 6 year old,instead of a 60 year old.

The care;carried out by staff at the Beatson in the Western,and Gartnavel in Glasgow.Shitty wards,crappy staff and oncologists frightened to say a word incase they get sued.

The costs;Bandages,heat packs,special foods and drinks...all for the best but unbelievable in price.



Absolutely knackered,aggresive and skint.......yes.
........but I have my health.

[toto67]

She will find that she feels this way,sick wise at the very beginning m8..I was exactly the same..After a few times got used to it and kinda eased off a little..It will be a very telling time for you and the family m8 as like you say her mood swings will be frequent and you just need to bite your tongue..Its a terrible disease that hits us hard and you need to try and make the best of what you have got..I was gonna suggest a helpline that you can phone and speak to other people who have suffered the same illness as she has done and what they did to combat the effects etc..But being 60 yrs old,they wont talk to much people about it outwith the family...Found that to be the case when my Dad was ill...TBH I never went down that road as I had family n friends that I could have spoken too but being truthful I kept my feeling inside as I didnt want them worrying more than they already did..Some people deal with things differently...As you say she was the person who did everything,now she isnt that same person and that will be the reason she is feeling that way..
Give her time m8 and I am sure she will get slightly better than she has..It is a MASSIVE strain on your body as I couldnt honestly describe what it feels like...But think of your severest ever hangover and multiply that by
100...It really does make you feel terrible and when the day I got it couldnt be arsed with anyone really,was usually the next day before I felt a bit better.......Keep the spirits up for yous all Beekae,as m8 you will need it and try n make whatever time she has got the best you possibly can...Maybe take her to places or things of the like that she hasnt been to for long enough,you get what I mean..try n take her mind off it,that sort of thing..Maybe go up to the hospital and try n speak to whoever is the doctor she has and ask him/her,to lay his/her cards on the tabel with regards to her life span...Sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind,as no matter how hard it is.....All the very best and good luck