Close

Results 1 to 11 of 11
  1. #1
    DF VIP Member BertRoot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
    Poppy Fields
    Posts
    23,955
    Thanks
    1,038
    Thanked:        2,059
    Karma Level
    2514

    Default Ten rarely preached bible verses

    Some of these were pretty weird I thought.

    10. 2 Kings 2:23-24

    Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.

    9. Mark 14:51-52

    A young man was following Him, wearing nothing but a linen sheet over his naked body; and they seized him. But he pulled free of the linen sheet and escaped naked.

    8. Deuteronomy 23:1

    No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.

    7. Genesis 38:8-10

    Then Judah said to Onan, “Go in to your brother’s wife, and perform your duty as a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother.” Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother’s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the LORD; so He took his life also.

    6. 1 Samuel 18:25-27

    Then Saul said, “Thus shall you say to David, ‘The king desires no bride-price except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, that he may be avenged of the king’s enemies.’” Now Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king’s son-in-law. Before the time had expired, David arose and went, along with his men, and killed two hundred of the Philistines. And David brought their foreskins, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king’s son-in-law. And Saul gave him his daughter Michal for a wife.

    5. Exodus 4:24-25

    Now it came about at the lodging place on the way that the LORD met him and sought to put him to death. Then Zipporah took a flint and cut off her son’s foreskin and threw it at Moses’ feet, and she said, “You are indeed a bridegroom of blood to me.”

    4. Ezekiel 16:17

    You also took the fine jewelry I gave you, the jewelry made of my gold and silver, and you made for yourself male idols and engaged in prostitution with them.

    3. Ezekiel 23:19-20

    Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals – as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.

    2. Judges 3:19-25

    And Ehud reached with his left hand, took the sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. And the hilt also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade, for he did not pull the sword out of his belly; and the dung came out.

    1. Deuteronomy 25:11-12

    If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity.


  2. #2
    DF VIP Member salvadorescobar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2000
    Location
    Huddersfield
    Posts
    951
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked:        0
    Karma Level
    346

    Default Re: Ten rarely preached bible verses

    Wicked - I thought these were fakes but they do appear in the bible

    http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/...24;&version=9;
    'If we aren't meant to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?'
    Anon.

  3. #3
    DF VIP Member FireBlade's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Location
    Spain
    Posts
    3,864
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked:        14
    Karma Level
    646

    Default Re: Ten rarely preached bible verses

    Cool I like that first one

  4. #4
    DF VIP Member wiggi28's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    xanadu
    Posts
    3,038
    Thanks
    5
    Thanked:        4
    Karma Level
    516

    Default Re: Ten rarely preached bible verses

    8. Deuteronomy 23:1

    No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord.

    thats john wayne bobbit not getting in then !

  5. #5
    Argyll's Apprentice TwoPlAnKs's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Location
    Aberdeenshire
    Posts
    5,191
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked:        0
    Karma Level
    620

    Default Re: Ten rarely preached bible verses

    genesis 3:16 is one of my favourites

    Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

    get back to the kitchen biatch
    "The Net interprets censorship as damage and routes around it." - John Gilmore

  6. #6
    DF VIP Member Midnight_Toker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Amsterdam
    Posts
    849
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked:        0
    Karma Level
    319

    Default Re: Ten rarely preached bible verses

    Quote Originally Posted by BertRoot View Post
    1. Deuteronomy 25:11-12

    If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity.
    Do you think this would stand up in court??

    I always knew the bible was full of shit.... I'd never give up my daughter for any less than 600 foreskins...
    ---------------------------------------------------
    HE went home in a fuckin ambulance
    R.I.H Saddam

  7. #7
    VIP Member CzarJunkie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    Location
    Atlantis
    Posts
    13,754
    Thanks
    832
    Thanked:        3,225
    Karma Level
    1993

    Default Re: Ten rarely preached bible verses

    Quote Originally Posted by BertRoot View Post
    3. Ezekiel 23:19-20

    Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals – as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.
    Fuck me, I might just be born again.

  8. #8
    DF VIP Member wacky1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    361
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked:        0
    Karma Level
    291

    Default Re: Ten rarely preached bible verses

    Quote Originally Posted by BertRoot View Post
    Some of these were pretty weird I thought.


    3. Ezekiel 23:19-20

    Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals – as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.
    Well they say the profession is as old as time itself...

  9. #9
    DF VIP Member blacksheep's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Manchester
    Posts
    3,877
    Thanks
    87
    Thanked:        265
    Karma Level
    546

    Default Re: Ten rarely preached bible verses

    for all you non believers - it told in nice easy fashion

    http://www.thebricktestament.com/

    we used to use the balls/dick chopped off to wind up christians at uni - asking why someone who had cancer of the testicles couldn't go into heaven, surely they've suffered enough already?

  10. #10
    DF VIP Member BBK's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    here
    Posts
    12,422
    Thanks
    234
    Thanked:        128
    Karma Level
    1084

    Default Re: Ten rarely preached bible verses

    The abundance of foreskins being cut off in the bible leads me to think that god must have one very weird homosexual fetish!

  11. #11
    DF VIP Member blacksheep's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Manchester
    Posts
    3,877
    Thanks
    87
    Thanked:        265
    Karma Level
    546

    Default Re: Ten rarely preached bible verses

    or as in dogma it could be alanis morisette

Similar Threads

  1. kids explain the bible
    By GameKing in forum The Comedy Club
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 21st January 2005, 02:20 PM
  2. Bible Jokes
    By ibobsy in forum The Comedy Club
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 26th September 2004, 08:51 PM
  3. Replies: 0
    Last Post: 23rd May 2003, 03:01 PM

Social Networking Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •