2 cows....

[Over Carl]

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them.

FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....

WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate

[Shambles]

Well - you did it to leonard earlier

A slightly different version

http://www.digital-forums.com/showthread.php?t=221253

[FireBlade]

Thats top!

[Over Carl]

Damn, seached for cows and enron. Suppose I deserve it, I'll get my hat.

[Shambles]

Damn, seached for cows and enron. Suppose I deserve it, I'll get my hat.

It's a slightly different version mate

[GameKing]

Well - you did it to leonard earlier

A slightly different version

http://www.digital-forums.com/showthread.php?t=221253

a case of "the biter bit" eh?

I`m feeling in a good mood and as Shambles says "A slightly different version", so I`ll let it stay.

[Over Carl]

On the forum I nicked it from, someone came up with a great addition to the list:

LOCAL GOVERNMENT INITIATIVE:

You have two cows.

You don't know what to do with them, so you hire in an external consultancy company at tax-payers expense to tell you that they need milking.

You then put this to the committee to decide how to address this problem, create a new Cow Milking Directorate, employ a serveral managers to oversee the care, welfare, civil rights, benefits and education of the cows (plus one worker to actually milk them).

They then need to fill out several cow requisition forms in triplicate, which need to be signed off by the Council Board Members, in order to move the cows to the milking shed. You then realise you don't actually have a milking shed, so you commission one to be built. However, the project runs seriously over schedule and over budget and needs to be bailed out by the tax payer. Again.

However, before you get a chance to milk them, the Equal Opportunities Directorate realise that they are both Jersey cows and are therefore not representative of the wider cow population. You then need to buy up several more cows of varying breeds (again at tax-payers expense) to ensure that you are not discriminating against specific breeds.

Having milked all these cows, you realise that Local Government regulations prohibit you from actually selling the milk (as you are a local authority). You therefore quietly dump all the milk, lock all the cows away in a shed and forget about them, and blame the whole farcical mess on the previous leader of the Council.