Have you ever done a turd that...

[Fresh]

... you were actually scared of?! I just spent the last 10 minutes of my life sweating and cursing trying to let a brown friend escape, without ripping myself! I feel exhausted, though rather relieved too.

[willp2003]

no, but i swear they come out sideways sometimes!

[SiE]

I burst a blood vessel once while having a shite (many, many years ago) and filled the bowl with blood. It really shit me up as I thought I was done for. I even showed my mum and she just laughed at me. To be young again.

[DJAd]

Most of the time I curl out a log it feels like im giving birth to a still born Nigerian, sometimes they do slip out without any problems, mainly after a saveloy for lunch thou.

[Fresh]

I seriously had to coax it out with a tissue paper covered hand. It wont flush either, I've just left it in the hope it goes away by itself!

Bursting a blood vessel? That really would have shit me up!

[Mickey]

I did suffer from pils once, wouldn`t want to go through that again, so now while on a mission i take it slowly and easy

[BBK]

I burst a blood vessel once while having a shite (many, many years ago) and filled the bowl with blood. It really shit me up as I thought I was done for. I even showed my mum and she just laughed at me. To be young again.

Christ that happened to me once, I think I cried!!! I was so scared, my dad ended up taking me to hospital. Turned out I had a severe food poisoning though, but man, its really scary when you wipe, go to fold the tissue and realise there's blood everywhere. They gave me some pills that dried me up for a week, when I next went to have a shit I was really scared!

[Mickey]

No, mine usually have the ability to pass through the eye of a needle

@gantybop lol i would change my diet bro LOL

[casio]

i had one yesterday that i thought of naming it was like a stalagtight pointing upwards that brought the sense of relief that only finding out shes not preggas can bring

[MonkeySputum]

I tore myself having a shite one day, scared me terribly, it was like shitting out a volleyball

i had one yesterday that i thought of naming it was like a stalagtight pointing upwards that brought the sense of relief that only finding out shes not preggas can bring

Stalagmites point upwards, as my old outdoor ed teacher told us "Tights come down and mites go up" the mites bit had a worrying pelvic thrust to illustrate the point

[russbeer]

a stalactite points down mate, you might be referring to a stalagmite...

Ok, science lesson over!


I once did one when I was about 14 that meant I had to stand up for it to carry on coming out. I was like a long brown rope, it just wouldn't stop! I had to maneouvre myself to try and curl it round the bog so it would fit in it. Then i remember having to hack it in two pieces with the bog brush so it would go down...

[GameKing]

I used to have that problem, I`ve had the old "farmer Giles" a couple of times and they bled both times, it`s fookin scary. I`m OK now since I changed my diet, I have a high fibre cereal and drink plenty of fluids, and if I do get a wee bit stubborn I take a couple of sennacot pills. and who helped me change my ways? why the good members on here did, in "The clinic".

[LFC Muppet]

Just had a dodgy 1, never had the blood thing for a canny few month now, but the red monster has just raised its ugly head again.

Will have to sort out my diet again. As strange as it sounds I have been drinking Ale again, which I haven't drank for months, wonder if it could be related.

[muttleymacclad]

I had a case of the old chalfonts once. "bloody" scary.

do you know what the worst bit was?.... going to the doctor.

Saw some old Chinese doctor, not my regular GP and explained the situation. So he says ok, we'll need to do a digital examination...fine I thought, a little digital camera on an endoscope or something, I can handle that.

"hop on to the examining table and pull your trousers and pants down". A little uneasy at the prospect of having a bloke stick a camera up my arse, I obliged, only to see him pulling on a pair of latex gloves and wacking the lube all over his hands.

Whoah!!!!, he goes and sticks his finger up me, for a "digital" examination! Bastard! .Not the digital exam i was expecting I can tell you!

Sorted me out with some suppositories that did the trick though.

won't be going to see that doctor again!

MML

[russbeer]

ha ha ha ha! muttleymacclads been finger fucked!! LMAO

could have been worse, least he lubed up first!

[muttleymacclad]

ha ha ha ha! muttleymacclads been finger fucked!! LMAO

could have been worse, least he lubed up first!

It brought tears to my eyes!

[GTI]

Reminds me of that episiode of Family Guy where Peter gets a prostate examination and then goes on to sue the doctor for male rape

[muttleymacclad]

Hey, I never thought of that. Maybe he wasn't even a doctor and was just the cleaner or something!!!

[LFC Muppet]

Reminds me of that episiode of Family Guy where Peter gets a prostate examination and then goes on to sue the doctor for male rape

That was on last night, she watched Eastenders on BBC Three and that episope came on after..... Strange!

[BBK]

I had a case of the old chalfonts once. "bloody" scary.

do you know what the worse bit was?.... going to the doctor.

Saw some old Chinese doctor, not my regular GP and explained the situation. So he says ok, we'll need to do a digital examination...fine I thought, a little digital camera on an endoscope or something, I can handle that.

"hop on to the examining table and pull your trousers and pants down". A little uneasy at the prospect of having a bloke stick a camera up my arse, I obliged, only to see him pulling on a pair of latex gloves and wacking the lube all over his hands.

Whoah!!!!, he goes and sticks his finger up me, for a "digital" examination! Bastard! .Not the digital exam i was expecting I can tell you!

Sorted me out with some suppositories that did the trick.

won't be going to see that doctor again!

MML

Brought tears to my eyes, especially as I have been in the same position