Feedback on an acoustic song

[dalboy]

Hi guys I posted on some songwriting forums a song i wrote the other week, but didnt get much response so thought there must be a few people on here who could help!

Ive only been playing guitar for about 18months. I thought id dabble in doing some of my own stuff - poppy / acoustic type stuff

Its nowhere near finished and i cant sing for shit so its just the melody.

Any feedback from you guys etc... would be greatly appreciated. I can post up the lyrics / chords as well

I know everyone has different music tastes ( i like pretty much any music) but would like some opinions?

Thanks guys

Ive uploaded it at:

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=79XZE3XB

[LFC Muppet]

I would but for some reason I can't listen to it (maybe because I can't download it).

Any chance of putting it as a stream somewhere, such as youtube.

[dalboy]

Thanks - Give me 5 mins

[dalboy]

cant seem to upload to youtube - what about here

http://download.yousendit.com/D8C157A21F423286

[LFC Muppet]

cant seem to upload to youtube - what about here

http://download.yousendit.com/D8C157A21F423286

I meant to say I can't download stuff at work, but can stream, (not supposed to do that either, but can).

Sorry for confusion.

[dalboy]

no probs try here

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06MJlA7kv-w

[LFC Muppet]

Sounds good . Get yourself a good young girl singer and you will be laughing.

[dalboy]

Yeah i need to borrow a voice! Ill get my sis to do it.

[Chip2k]

I got bored about half way through. Try having different rhythm for bridge, chorus and verse as its all the same rhythm.

[dalboy]

OK thanks! (although chorus is supposed to be more up and down strokes BTW)

[Shadow_Dancer]

are there any words to this ? I can hear something in the background

I like it but it all going to be the voice and lyrics you use. Hope you keep use updated on this.

[dalboy]

yes sorry that was me just following the song out loud. Was accidental as I cannot sing a note. I will get my sister when she is next down to record it properly.

I wanted to keep it fairly basic to start with then maybe build it up from there...

Here is the lyrics...



Throw It All Away



Verse 1

laying on my bed with my mind running wild
time passing by all her clothes in pile
thinking about all the good times and bad
still have those memories of all the fun that we had

Pre-Chorus

but thats just the way life sometimes goes
when you win some you lose some and your head feels numb
its a shame that this is the end

Chorus

Pick up Pick up Pick up yourself dont let it get to you
Pick up yourself Pick up yourself dont hide the truth
another day another game
another story but its all the same
She wasnt worth the hassle so dont throw it all away throw it all away throw it all away

instrumental

Verse 2

laying in a field with my heart beating wild
time passing by as we both get high
thinking about all the good times and bad
wash away those memories of all the fun that we had

Pre-chorus

Chorus x 2


Again, thanks for your interest / views!

[Shadow_Dancer]

I like it already and so what if you can't sing just give it a go

ok when this is done I hope you will post it somewhere we can all hear it

[BiPolarShrew]

I play guitar myself. Ive been playing on/off for 2/3 years. i cant remember, thats really good, but one crit i have, is that it all seems repetitive, try having a more noticeable breakdown/bridge like chip2k said. And i think, instead of holding the chord at the end, Try having a fade out, where you carry on playing the same chords, but they just fade out to silence.

I think you should try to sing it, why dont you do it in layers. record the guitar. Then overdub the vocals over the top, (if you have the software to do so), And see how that turns out.


EDIT Whats your UG username. Mines dopey_toad

[dalboy]

I play guitar myself. Ive been playing on/off for 2/3 years. i cant remember, thats really good, but one crit i have, is that it all seems repetitive, try having a more noticeable breakdown/bridge like chip2k said. And i think, instead of holding the chord at the end, Try having a fade out, where you carry on playing the same chords, but they just fade out to silence.

I think you should try to sing it, why dont you do it in layers. record the guitar. Then overdub the vocals over the top, (if you have the software to do so), And see how that turns out.


EDIT Whats your UG username. Mines dopey_toad

yeah listening back without the lyrics i can see why its a bit repetitive - i will think over it a bit more. A lot of popular songs are repetitive I thought

On the singing thing i think I will just ruin it TBH.

PS. Username on UG is dalboy1

[lagigolo]

Sounds good for 18 months playing, but i would say most hit songs you could be able to tell what the song is just by the music. Although this is good there is nothing notable about the music. I wouldn't be able to hum/whistle it even after listening several times.

[dalboy]

maybe after the vocal is in place it will be more recognisable? I will work more on the melody...