Okay.
first things first.
As a young 20 something living at home, I'd NEVER take a girl home with me (strict upbringing and all that)
So i'm clubbing with my mate Rob, I start chatting up this fit bird, completely ignoring the swamp donkey that is her mate. A few drinks a little dance and i'm off for a piss. On my return, the fit bird I'm chatting up has copped off with some good looking (unt, so in a fit of anger I tap off with her mate - the pig.
and it is a pig. It's welsh, it's fat and it has a fu(king HUGE birthmark on it's face. But i'm still angry and half pissed, so I end up outside getting a pretty half decent nosh off this munter.
Spoff my load and I'm off. get to the front of the club, just as my mate Rob appears, tip him the wink and we're set to fu(k off sharpish, but no, he has to act the (unt and smirk cos i've tapped off with this extra from night of the dead.
The ugly one then starts crying, cos her mates fu(ked off and she's nowhere to stay, it's 3 in the morning and it's cold.
Now as I've said, I never took birds back to mine, but my mate Rob's mum and dad were far more liberal. So it's back to his and I end up giving this crocadillopig one - turns out she's a virgin.
Soon as she's asleep, I'm dressed and off.
lunctime the following day comes and i can here the phone ringing, and ringing and ringing.
it's Rob, he's woken up with a moose loose aboot his hoose, no sign of me and no way to deny to his parents or sister that he's brought this thing home, especially as his mum has to wash the sheets cos they've got blood on them.
He BEGGED me to go round and explain it was me
He PLEADED for me to confess to his parents
Did I?
Did I fu(k.
To this day, I still deny it to his face and his parents,
and as for the ugly bird. Rob put her in a taxi, which cost him the best part of £20
So Rob, I confess it was me, and to the Welsh bird - jesus you were ugly.
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