The Most Weird and Bizarre Soft Drinks

Thread: The Most Weird and Bizarre Soft Drinks

  1. evilsatan's Avatar

    evilsatan said:

    Weird The Most Weird and Bizarre Soft Drinks

    I was trying to think of an informative () post to make as my 10,000th one so searched in google images and found a picture of one of these drinks. Decided to find a top list of these strange drinks to share with you all. As you would expect all are Japanese

    Japan has a drinking problem... but if you've got a thirst for adventure, it's where you want to be.
    In honor (or in horror) of these bizarre beverages seemingly not fit to rinse your septic tank, raise a cracked glass to the Top Ten Bizarre Japanese Soft Drinks, our first ten inductees into the Soft Drink Hell of Fame... Jeers!

    Our rundown of the Top Ten Bizarre Japanese Soft Drinks gives a pretty good indication why most of the 1000 or so new soft drinks and beverages launched in Japan every year fail miserably.
    Look on the bright side, though: they may not be good to drink, but you can't say they're not good for a laugh.

    10) Pepsi Ice Cucumber: It's lean, green and sounds obscene

    When American companies introduce products tailored for foreign tastes, we often experience discomfiting culture shock. Sort of like when [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] uses his toaster time machine to go back 10 million years, steps on a slug, and then comes back to an oddly different world. Maybe that really did happen, and Springfield is now Tokyo! Exhibit A: Pepsi Ice Cucumber, introduced to the Japanese soft drinks market and Pepsi vending machines on June 12th (2007) and to our Top Ten Bizarre Japanese [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] listing immediately thereafter. Pepsi? Good... Cucumbers? Great! Cucumber-flavored Pepsi? DOH!!

    9) Hot Calpis: the drink that makes you think - about NOT drinking it

    Cue suave voiceover: "Next time you're out on the town with the one you love, treat her to a cup of Hot Calpis"... then trudge home alone after she pours it over your head. Yes, delicious Calpis - I can't even read it without grinning - is known as Calpico in other countries (for obvious reasons) and is one of Japan's most popular and enduring [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] . Milk-based with a sweet yogurt taste, Calpis comes in original and a variety of fruit flavors. Some drink vending machines offer this bizarre beverage hot... steaming hot.

    8) Coolpis: Who wouldn't want to drink something with a name like Coolpis?

    Ahh, refreshing Coolpis... THE [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] to offer guests - before removing their blindfolds. Actually a Korean copy of the disturbingly named Calpis, Coolpis comes in Peach flavor and (stop reading now, if you can...) Kimchee flavor. Kimchee, for those unacquainted, is a traditional Korean dish made from fermented cabbage and LOTS of red pepper. Makes Peach flavored Coolpis almost appealing, doesn't it? Anyone for a Calpis vs. Coolpis taste test? We could call it a pis-ing contest.

    7) Mother's Milk: the breast-tasting drink ever!

    And now, for something close to the heart... Mother's Milk. Is there anything in the world more wholesome, more natural, more life-giving than mother's milk? Is there anything in the world that would make you [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] it from a store bought carton? NO, on both counts. If I was a baby, maybe, but not from an udder - I mean, another - mother! We shudder to think of the scene inside one of the manufacturer's factories... those poor farmgirls, milkmaids or what have you, shackled up to cold, pitiless machines that never, ever stop... and then I woke up.

    6) Black Vinegar Juice Bar: dispenses acid trips

    After chugging down a pint of Mother's Milk, head on down to your local Black Vinegar Juice bar to give it a good curdling. Black vinegar is noted for its health benefits; the trouble has always been making it drinkable.
    Mixing it into bizarre soft drinks with soy milk, blood orange juice or blueberry juice is supposed to solve that problem, but we remain skeptical. At least you can splash some on the salad (via [Only registered and activated users can see links. ]).

    5) Speaking of which, consider Water Salad... for what, we're not sure...

    The creative types at Coca-Cola (yes, THAT Coca-Cola) who devised Water Salad are probably still shell-shocked from the New Coke and C2 soft drink fiascos and wouldn't risk another.. or would they? Water Salad is... well... salad-flavored water. You know, the stuff you get after centrifuging your rinsed romaine in the salad spinner. Funny, we pour it down the drain here; in Japan they can it and put it up for sale in a varied selection of flavors. Not laughing now, are you, smart guy?? (via [Only registered and activated users can see links. ])

    4) Diet Water: all the taste and none of the calories of regular water. Huh?

    And now, from the "selling ice to the Eskimos" department, we bring you Diet Water: the [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] for the soft headed. "None of that rich, fattening Perrier for me, I'm serious about shedding pounds!" Not to mention shedding money. "Diet Water of the rich and famous"? We're not sure what the appeal of Diet Water is... maybe it has negative calories.

    3) Final Fantasy Potion drinks: for those who think life really IS a game

    Got a gamer at your house who lives, breathes and eats role-playing games like Final Fantasy? Now you can add "drinks" to the list, thanks to Final Fantasy Potion soft drinks. Let's see, at last count the stores were stocking Final Fantasy 13. No way to know if drinking a Final Fantasy Potion soft drink will restore your health, energy level - or make you invulnerable. Kids, don't try this at home! (via [Only registered and activated users can see links. ])

    2) Canned Coffee = Canned Laughter

    Canned coffee has been a staple of those omnipresent Japanese drink vending machines since the 1964 Tokyo Olympics. Nothing wrong with the coffee itself, which is actually quite good. It's the wacky names (c/o [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] ) the manufacturers insist on giving it that elevates Japanese canned coffee to immortality (one brand in particular - read on). There may just be a Top Ten Bizarre Japanese Canned Coffees list coming to this site one day soon. A few "can"-didates:

    BM Coffee - Nothing beats a good BM to start the day!

    BJ Coffee - I stand corrected.

    Deepresso Coffee - Is this the opposite of Espresso, or a coffee designed to bring down Type A personalities?

    Black Boss Coffee - Decaffeinated AND desegregated, for the equal opportunity executive suite.

    GOD Coffee - What does one serve with GOD Coffee? Communion wafers?

    1) Kidsbeer: the Popeye Cigarettes of children's drinks

    We've saved the most [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] for last... Kidsbeer. We kid you not: Kidsbeer. What can be said in defense of Kidsbeer, except maybe that it's alcohol-free? That would be like saying Hitler wasn't all bad because he liked dogs. Kidsbeer is so wrong on so many levels it makes my head spin, yet it is so popular in Japan that monthly shipments are approaching 100,000 bottles. As for the ad campaigns, nothing else will make you feel more like you've blundered into Superman's Bizarro world then seeing pre-teens - heck, pre-toddlers - joyfully guzzling their bottles of Kidsbeer.

    A little background: Kidsbeer used to be a normal, average soda called Guarana until 2003, when restaurant owner Yuichi Asaba renamed the bubbly brew "Kidsbeer" and watched sales go through the roof. Normally, some sort of government watchdog would step in at this point and read Asaba the riot act, but nope. Encouraged, Asaba farmed out production to the Tomomasu company, who made it less sweet, more frothy - more beer-like, if truth be told - and introduced brown bottles with labels resembling those of early Japanese beers.

    Still the government watchdog slept on (or maybe it's drunk and passed out), so naturally other beverage, soft drink and soda makers scrambled to get a piece of the near-beer action. [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] took one look at Kidsbeer's skyrocketing sales and decided to go one better: wine and sparkling wine for kids! Their product website is jaw-dropping in its audacity - and nicely done as well. Wanna be like mommy & daddy, kids? Drink Kidsbeer, the Little Prince of Beers!
    And that wraps up our list of the Top Ten Bizarre Japanese Soft Drinks, although we've saved up enough dishonorable mentions to form the better part of a follow-up list. Japan sure is a wonderful place, but it's far from home in more ways than just travel time.
    Barkeep, a frosty Kidsbeer for my friend - in a jelly glass!

    And just when you thought I had posted them all I found more!

    What is it with Japan and weird drinks? Part of the answer lies in the love Japanese have for soft drinks – surveys show that about 40% of the nation's citizens drink at least one soft drink every day. That's about 50 million people!

    In addition, trends come and go very quickly in Japan. What's cool today is as flat as warm Pepsi Ice Cucumber tomorrow... so soft drink companies are constantly coming out with something new and (hopefully) attention-grabbing 'cause one success more than makes up for dozens of failures.

    Our list comprises the bad, the even more bad and the downright ugly, and we'll lead off the same way [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] did – with Pepsi Japan's latest weird summer soft drink!

    10) Pepsi Blue Hawaii

    Wasn't there already a blue Pepsi, called umm, er, oh yeah - Pepsi Blue? It faded from the scene fairly quickly; a fate certain to be shared by Pepsi Blue Hawaii. Flavored with Pineapple and Lemon, you just know PBH is going to be sweeter than Hello Kitty in insulin shock – actually, it would probably be her IV drip.

    9) Fanta Furufuru Shaker

    Ever made Jello using 7-Up or Grape Crush instead of cold water? The gelatin retains a little carbonation after it cools. Fanta's Furufuru Shaker seems to be designed on the same principle; a semi-gelled drink that gets fizzy when you shake it. I don't know how you drink it... you'd need a fairly wide straw, if not a spoon. (via [Only registered and activated users can see links. ])

    Anyway, all weirdness aside, the most interesting thing about Fanta Furufuru Shaker is the so-called Shaker Dance performed by official Fanta spokesmodel Rika Ishikawa. That girl can really shake her cans... can... erm, just watch the video...

    8) Melon Milk

    I've actually had Pokka's Melon Milk; both it and a Strawberry Milk version are sold in smallish cans at some Asian markets here in Toronto. It's rather popular in Japan, as are the many varieties of canned coffee [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] makes.

    Melon Milk doesn't taste bad... it does taste kinda strange though. Sort of like milk, with a melony overtone. You sip some, think “that can't be right”, then sip a little more. Before you know it you've drained the whole can – all part of Pokka's dastardly plan, no doubt. Melon is actually a major fruit flavor in Japan. If it's green & fruity, there's probably a melon involved. Consider yourself warned.

    7) Bilk

    Bilk... according to my dictionary, it means “to cheat out of something valuable”. It also makes a terrible name for a new drink – unless that drink is an unholy marriage of milk and beer, in which case it's entirely appropriate. Besides, Japanese dairy farmers are pretty much swimming in surplus milk and if Bilk doesn't work out they could resort to something truly awful, like a cheese drink (shudder).

    Bilk... 70% beer, 30% milk, 100% disgusting. Supposedly, Bilk possesses a subtle sweetness that women should find most appealing. Beer bellies, belches and lactose intolerance, not so much. Bilk can be bought at 6 outlets in Japan's northern province of Hokkaido where bears outnumber humans 2:1. Guess they like the stuff, for their pic-a-nic baskets and all. (via [Only registered and activated users can see links. ])

    6) NEEDS Cheese Drink

    Well, you balked at Bilk so now it's come to this: NEEDS Cheese Drink. Nuh-uh, that's where I draw the line. I prefer to enjoy my cheese in the solid state, thank you, where I can shave off a paper-thin slice with that fiendish cheese-shaving knife. NEEDS Cheese Drink, I don't needs.
    In fact, it seems the only ones who DO needs NEEDS are those pesky dairy farmers in Hokkaido, who “needs” to do something about growing stocks of surplus milk. If only there was something, sort of like a baby but still a cow, who could drink the surplus milk... ah well, never mind. (via [Only registered and activated users can see links. ])

    5) Hawaiian Deep-Sea Water

    Remember those old movies, when a few shipwreck survivors are stuck in a lifeboat, dying of thirst? And one guy can't stand it anymore and starts drinking seawater, which drives him INSANE??
    Koyo USA Corp wants you to forget all that. The maker of MaHaLo brand “Hawaiian Deep-Sea Water” is making a killing on desalinated deep ocean water thirst-crazed Japanese are falling all over themselves to buy... at between $4 and $6 per 1.5 liter bottle, no less.

    [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] produces 200,000 bottles of processed seawater a day and can barely keep up with demand in Japan. According to company spokesman John Frosted, “At this point, we can't make enough. We have no surplus.”
    Thank goodness for that, because the thought of seawater beer or seawater cheese drink would drive ME insane!

    4) Kid's Wine

    Kid's Wine – not just a road trip complaint anymore! Kid's Beer topped our list last time around, but did you know the same company, [Only registered and activated users can see links. ], makes “wine” specially made for children? They also make their website play the cheesiest, most annoying music ever heard online. Maybe you have to be drunk on Kid's Wine to truly appreciate it.

    3) Placenta Drink

    From Kid's Wine to Kid Swine... Ahh, the things women will do to stay young and beautiful for us!
    Thank you ladies, really... but there comes a point where bizarre beauty potions intended to make you luscious, just make us nauseous – and Nihon Shokuten's eerie series of [Only registered and activated users can see links. ] are a prime example.
    Made with swine placenta, the drink carries the automotive-sounding name of "Placenta 400000" - perhaps it's made from the ground & pressed extract of 400,000 placentas? Nihon Shokuten's not telling, but their revolting beverage should come pre-packaged with mints because there's nothing worse than placenta-breath in the morning.

    2) Eel Soda

    Unagi-Nobori soda is no ordinary energy drink, oh no... this terrific tonic is infused with a generous helping of eel extract. If you think there's something fishy about that, you're unfortunately right.
    According to Japanese folk tradition, eating eel is reputed to give one extra energy on summer's hottest, most humid days.
    These days though, one doesn't always have time for a leisurely lunch of delicious barbecued eel.
    No problem – Unagi Nobori bottles essence of eel along with 5 essential vitamins in a carbonated medium. Make my medium small, if you don't mind... and by the way, Unagi Nobori is brought to you by the nice folks at Japan Tobacco, known for "healthy" products with smoky flavors. (via [Only registered and activated users can see links. ])

    1) Okkikunare Drinks

    Okkikunare is Japanese for “make them bigger”, and do I really have to tell you what “them” refers to? Well, maybe I do - lest guys with macho issues rush to place orders, the apple, peach and mango flavored drinks are quite popular among teenage girls in Japan.
    Made by a comapny called [Only registered and activated users can see links. ], the special bust-boosting ingredient in Okkikunare drinks is powdered Arrowroot containing the same sort of isoflavones found in soybeans, which are said to “stimulate the female hormone system.”

    Seems a little sketchy to me... then again, the drinks are also sweetened with high-fructose corn syrup, which has been linked to obesity. Therefore, EVERYTHING gets bigger the more you drink, not just the, umm, apples, peaches and mangos. (via [Only registered and activated users can see links. ])

    And there you have it, Ten Even More Weird and Bizarre Japanese Soft Drinks. And, in case you were wondering, no Pocari Sweat again this time. Not even the doggie version, “Pet Sweat”. Odd as it sounds, Japan can do much better... or worse, as the case may be.

    So, consider yourself warned, Japan can pack a few surprises for the unwary, thirsty traveler. Be sure to pack some Canned Bottled Water on your next trip there – it's lighter than the Bottled Canned Water and likely has even fewer calories!

    Hope you enjoyed this interesting list
    Last edited by evilsatan; 24th November 2008 at 10:43 AM.

  2. flanflinger's Avatar

    flanflinger said:

    Default Re: The Most Weird and Bizarre Soft Drinks

    excellent post!
  3. baronvon's Avatar

    baronvon said:

    Default Re: The Most Weird and Bizarre Soft Drinks

    good read