Quickie's Pt2

[C3Grimmy]

I was having a blazing row with my wife when the silly bitch went mental.
She went into the fridge and threw a prawn cocktail at me and then threw pieces of garlic bread at me.
I said, "Calm down, what you doing that for?"
She screamed, "That's just for fucking starters."
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Went to a karaoke bar last night and discovered they didn't play any 70s music.

At first I was afraid... I was petrified.
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Feel bored? Then ring up the Indian Embassy 70 times a day,
and try to sell them mobile phones or insurance.

See how they fucking like it.
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I just can't find the words to describe how happy I was to pass my Creative Writing Course.
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A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'.
A spokesman for the channel said 'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour,
but we have heard that people in Abu Dhabi Do"
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I remember the first ever time I had sex because I kept the receipt.
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BREAKING NEWS
Steven Gerrard has broken out of jail. Fortunately for the police, Ronaldo was his getaway driver.
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My girlfriend had a change of heart about having a threesome.

She said, "Okay, I'll have one: you, me and another girl, but afterwards you'd better seriously consider proposing to me."

So I thought, "Sounds fair."

Two weeks later she said, "Aren't you going to pop the question then?"

So I said, "Fuck off, I'm not marrying a lesbian."
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I sent away for a penis enlarger. They sent me back a magnifying glass.
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A bad workman blames his fools

EDIT: *tools

stupid keyboard.
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I met this girl at a pub last night, we hit it off and she invited me back to hers for a night of shagging. She asked me if I was into anything kinky, and I said yes. So she slipped into a spandex catsuit with nipple-tassles, got her whip out of the cupboard, and stuck a lubricated vibrator up her arse. Finally, she got me to handcuff her to the bed.

Lustfully, and full of alcohol, she looked up to me and said, "Okay, now fuck me!"

So I left. No need for that kind of language.
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[CzarJunkie]

No.1 and No.8 had me tittering.......v.good.

[liveseytowers]

I was expecting this to be shite but they where pretty funny 10 made me chuckle