Whats the worst fuck you ever had?

[Detector]

mine would be a bird i met througha mutual friend, we ended up kissing and went to bed. she laid down and took her leg off and eye out, she had a false leg (half way down and a false eye).
i was not bothered much about the leg but i made her put her eye back in, fuckin scared me that. altho in a pervy kinda way i could prolly have made use of the extra hole.

another one was when i got pissed once, i ended up fucking a milf just 4 doors away from where we live, talk about rough - she had a better beard than me. this is why i gave up the drink. makes you fuck things other men would not reach

[burner1]

I took some bint home when I was younger, but found my folks still up so I got her in my car outside and proceeded to do her, her breath stank and was a right smelly bitch in general as well.

Next afternoon, I was driving in to town and scrambling for me fag packet on the passenger seat and eventually got a fag out, put it in my mouth and it smelt of shit... the bitch had only gone and left a fucking great shitty skid mark on my passenger seat and I had some of it all over my hand.

[TIN CAN]

I took some bint home when I was younger, but found my folks still up so I got her in my car outside and proceeded to do her, her breath stank and was a right smelly bitch in general as well.

Next afternoon, I was driving in to town and scrambling for me fag packet on the passenger seat and eventually got a fag out, put it in my mouth and it smelt of shit... the bitch had only gone and left a fucking great shitty skid mark on my passenger seat and I had some of it all over my hand.

I can't beat that, i reckon we have found a winner lads lol

[lukese]

haha, that is def gonna take some beating, ive done some smelly birds in the past, but one that shits in a car is a belter!

[burner1]

I can't beat that, i reckon we have found a winner lads lol

Lol... I'll tell the missus she won the worst fuck thread

[Detector]

i once had a bird stop in my house and stayed for a fuck, when she went next morning i checked the bed and the dirty cow had left skidmarks on there. i know they were not mine as they tasted different.

[Argyll]

I shagged a 50 year old woman about 6 months ago. She pissed all over me when I was shagging her and then when I blew my beans she asked me why I had raped her!!! I fucking shit myself. Tried to calm her down but she was a fucking lunatic. She was talking to imaginary people in the bedroom and kept shouting and asking for someone 'to let her out of the cupboard'. When she started to sober up she told me her life story and how she was sexually abused by her uncle. I stayed up talking to her basically trying to get her out of my house but then she told me her husband would have locked her out!!! Fucking great.

I eventually got shot of her about 12 midday. I was shitting myself as I was expecting the police to turm up any minute. To put the icing on the cake I think she nicked my watch.

[cronus71]

Jesus guys, what kind of people do you invite into your lives? surely jerking off would have been a better option?

[witchy2k1]

she laid down and took her leg off and eye out, she had a false leg (half way down and a false eye).

Why did she feel the need to remove an eye?

Is someone exaggerating?

[I Black Belt]

I shagged my little brothers mates mum.
She was always a teen fantasy and when the chance came up I jumped straight into her knickers and no large error.

Huge mistake, fantasy and reality were worlds apart.
She had THE hairiest minge I have ever ever seen and it absolutely reeked
I couldn't even finish the job. Even from behind it looked like Captain Caveman - dirty bitch.

My mate Rob took a girl home who was a little worse for wear and she was beging him to shag her. He managed to get her upstairs and started undressing her, but she kept mumbling about her bag - handbag? No! Colostomy bag? Yes! and it was full - and he still shagged her - Dirty Bastard.

[rIKmAN]

handbag? No! Colostomy bag? Yes! and it was full - and he still shagged her - Dirty Bastard.

Groce

[-AMO-]

I used to have a colostomy bag... glad I never had to face up to any sexual encounters when I had it...

[Mickey]

Jesus guys, what kind of people do you invite into your lives? surely jerking off would have been a better option?

I was just about too. I was just looking at one of the select "adult" sites (From what leo sent me)and was gonna pull one off them i looked round and the fecking sister inlaw was still reading her book on the couch I thought she went to sleep

[2die4]

I took some bint home when I was younger, but found my folks still up so I got her in my car outside and proceeded to do her, her breath stank and was a right smelly bitch in general as well.

Next afternoon, I was driving in to town and scrambling for me fag packet on the passenger seat and eventually got a fag out, put it in my mouth and it smelt of shit... the bitch had only gone and left a fucking great shitty skid mark on my passenger seat and I had some of it all over my hand.

*hahahahahaha* F**king hilarious m8!! Although I'm not sure I would have shared that with the group I'm grateful that you did!

[Bensons]

Two pretty bad ones, I'm very embarrased about this first one.- This bird was really into me and was kind of chasing me, (which I LOVED and made me a bit big headed) I wasn't into her that much though and ended up treating her, well, not very gentleman-like. I got pretty pissed up one night at a party and her trying her best to pull me was making my head swell to epic proportions- I ended up getting even more pissed, deciding to 'give in' and throw her a bit of a pity shag. (and to let all my mates know that's what was going on) I went up to a spare bedroom with her and, hmmm, well, let's just say that I didn't make her feel like a special lady, kind of the opposite... After I finished, got up and wiped my cock on her pants, I noticed that she was crying a bit which made me feel like a cnut for being such a thoughtless nobhead and upsetting her, but, it turned out that she was crying because she liked me so much and was so happy to lose her virginity to me! I can't believe I just told that story... It's over ten years later now and I still feel like an absolute TWAT when I think about that night.

Ok, at least I come off badly in this next one, not that it makes up for the previous story.

My first propper girlfriend had just turned fifteen and I was nearly sixteen, we'd lost our virginity to each other a few weeks earelier and were both pretty loved up and eager to try out some new stuff on each other. She'd given me a couple of blowjobs which I'd loved, (still do funnily enough ) but I was yet to go down town on her. It was bonfire night and there was a party going on at my parents house, my Mum had told me and my bird we could have one or two beers each but that was it so by eleven, twelveish- I'd got a stollen stash of about ten cans of stella upstairs in my attic conversion room and was getting nice and pissed up and horny with my bird. Clothes were getting ripped off, our lips were busted from kissig so hard and there were raging hormones all over the place. I threw her, naked on the bed and started kissing/biting my way down her neck, boobs, belly and then down to the vagoo... The worst smell that had ever entered my poor nose hit me all of a sudden which stopped me dead in my tracks. She was of course still in animal lust mode and proceded to grab my head with both hands and smother me with her foul smelling minge and somewhat creamy and thickish discharge. THIS time I decided that I had to be a gentleman and just kept going for what was probably only a few minutes, but seemed like a month.

I spent the next year, maybe even more than that, thinking that that was normal smell/taste/juice for a lady's bits... Yeah, I was pretty frightened of 'eating out' for a good while after that.

Luckily, (for all you ladies out there ) I'm now the tongue master and I love dining out on you all as long as you're clean and tidy down there and luckily for ME, I've never encountered anything even remotely like I did that first time.

[Lighty]

here's one for you, wont go into too much detail.
Amsterdam with the army lads, very pissed, pulled, hand.... up skirt......full set of hairy bollocks..... the end. Not a nice experience.

[russbeer]

Groce

what?!?


Loving your second story Bensons! The little puking smiley made me piss.

[GTI]

Can't say I've ever had a truly bad fcuk... I mean apart from hygiene issues what else can go wrong?

[BertRoot]

You lot have had some bad times indeed. My only disappointment was a girl who banged on for a couple of years about how she would be the best fuck I ever had and when we finally met in bed I balled the living shit out of her, she came like a train a dozen times and I didn't as eh didn't really exert that much effort into pleasing me. Was well pissed off with that.

[Detector]

here's one for you, wont go into too much detail.
Amsterdam with the army lads, very pissed, pulled, hand.... up skirt......full set of hairy bollocks.....thought what the hell.....fucked it.....enjoyed it..... the end. Not a nice experience.

dirty bastar&