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  1. #1
    DF VIP Member wtaylor's Avatar
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    Default Australian Tourist board answers to some silly questions

    Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).

    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

    ______________________________________________

    Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

    A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

    __________________________________________________

    Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

    A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

    __________________________________________________

    Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )

    A: What did your last slave die of?

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    Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
    Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
    ... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

    __________________________________________________

    Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )

    A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

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    Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )

    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do...

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    Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )

    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
    oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

    __________________________________________________

    Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )

    A: You are a British politician, right?

    ____________________________ ______________________

    Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

    A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
    Milk is illegal.

    __________________________________________________

    Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

    A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
    All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

    __________________________________________________

    Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

    A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

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    Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )

    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

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    Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male popula tion? ( Italy )

    A: Yes, gay night clubs.

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    Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )

    A: Only at Christmas.


    __________________________________________________

    Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

    A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
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  2. #2
    DF VIP Member baggy13's Avatar
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    Default Re: Australian Tourist board answers to some silly questions

    i guess kings cross gets busy on tuesdays lol

  3. #3
    DF VIP Member koola2's Avatar
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    Default Re: Australian Tourist board answers to some silly questions

    Questions that people have allegedly asked of Park Rangers around the country.

    Grand Canyon National Park:
    • Was this man-made?
    • Do you light it up at night?
    • I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom — where is it?
    • Is the mule train air conditioned?
    • So where are the faces of the presidents?
    Everglades National Park:
    • Are the alligators real?
    • Are the baby alligators for sale?
    • Where are all the rides?
    • What time does the two o'clock bus leave?
    Denali National Park (Alaska):
    • What time do you feed the bears?
    • Can you show me where the yeti lives?
    • How often do you mow the tundra?
    • How much does Mount McKinley weigh?
    Mesa Verde National Park:
    • Did people build this, or did Indians?
    • Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?
    • Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?
    • Why did the Indians decide to live in Colorado?
    Carlsbad Caverns National Park:
    • How much of the cave is underground?
    • So what's in the unexplored part of the cave?
    • Does it ever rain in here?
    • How many ping-pong balls would it take to fill this up?
    • So what is this — just a hole in the ground?
    Yosemite National Park:
    • Where are the cages for the animals?
    • What time do you turn on Yosemite Falls?
    Yellowstone National Park:
    • Does Old Faithful erupt at night?
    • How do you turn it on?
    • When does the guy who turns it on get to sleep?
    • We had no trouble finding the park entrances, but where are the exits?

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