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Thread: Bad Day

  1. #1
    DF MaSter kanu690's Avatar
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    Default Bad Day

    1. When his .38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim
    during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, robber James Elliot did
    something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried
    the trigger again. Happily for most concerned, this time it worked.

    2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
    machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
    insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its
    men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger.
    The chef's claim was approved.

    3. Mourners at the funeral of Anna Bochinsky in Moinesti, Romania, were
    naturally somewhat taken aback when she abruptly leapt from her coffin as it
    was being carried to the grave. Before they could react to this unexpected
    outburst, the woman bounded into the nearest road, where she was run over
    and killed by a passing car.

    4. An American tourist in South America had the misfortune to be attacked by
    killer bees as he stood on the bank of the Amazon. Seeking refuge, he leapt
    into the river - and was devoured by piranha fish.

    5. In Fort Lauderdale, Florida, a sixteen-year-old youth was charged with
    beating up his fifteen-year-old wife after the latter hid the caps to his
    toy pistol.

    6. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during
    a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
    the space. Understandably, he shot her dead.

    7. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
    found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
    Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the
    driver went to a nearby bus-stop and offered everyone in the queue a free
    ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the
    staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
    The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

    8. In Minneapolis, USA, 28 year old Derrick L Richardson has been charged
    with third-degree murder of his much loved cousin, Ken E Richardson.
    According to local police, Derrick had suggested to Ken that they play a
    game of Russian roulette but, having no revolver, instead put a
    semiautomatic pistol to his cousin's head. Apparently, he did not realize
    that one bullet always loads into the firing chamber of a semiautomatic.

    9. Texan prisons have banned convicts on death row from having a last
    cigarette, on the grounds that it is bad for their health. However, to
    compensate for this, condemned men will instead be permitted to chew a stick
    of celery.

    10. An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from
    serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked about how he
    received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see
    how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

    11. Thrash-happy judges in Saudi Arabia have sentenced a Philippino man to
    75 lashes for possession of alcohol after he was caught with two chocolate
    liqueurs at an airport.

    12. A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an
    examination to determine the cause of her daughter's swollen abdomen. It
    only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant." The
    mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that he must be
    mistaken as her daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her
    reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and
    silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed, "Stop
    looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?" "Yes, of course
    I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a
    star appeared in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they would
    show up again and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant".

  2. #2
    DF Jedi Soulassassin's Avatar
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    Some gooduns there....very funny

  3. #3
    DF Wh0re BigBadDog's Avatar
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    only in America

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