Bad Day
1. When his .38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried
the trigger again. Happily for most concerned, this time it worked.
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger.
The chef's claim was approved.
3. Mourners at the funeral of Anna Bochinsky in Moinesti, Romania, were
naturally somewhat taken aback when she abruptly leapt from her coffin as it
was being carried to the grave. Before they could react to this unexpected
outburst, the woman bounded into the nearest road, where she was run over
and killed by a passing car.
4. An American tourist in South America had the misfortune to be attacked by
killer bees as he stood on the bank of the Amazon. Seeking refuge, he leapt
into the river - and was devoured by piranha fish.
5. In Fort Lauderdale, Florida, a sixteen-year-old youth was charged with
beating up his fifteen-year-old wife after the latter hid the caps to his
toy pistol.
6. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during
a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
the space. Understandably, he shot her dead.
7. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the
driver went to a nearby bus-stop and offered everyone in the queue a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the
staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
8. In Minneapolis, USA, 28 year old Derrick L Richardson has been charged
with third-degree murder of his much loved cousin, Ken E Richardson.
According to local police, Derrick had suggested to Ken that they play a
game of Russian roulette but, having no revolver, instead put a
semiautomatic pistol to his cousin's head. Apparently, he did not realize
that one bullet always loads into the firing chamber of a semiautomatic.
9. Texan prisons have banned convicts on death row from having a last
cigarette, on the grounds that it is bad for their health. However, to
compensate for this, condemned men will instead be permitted to chew a stick
of celery.
10. An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from
serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked about how he
received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see
how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
11. Thrash-happy judges in Saudi Arabia have sentenced a Philippino man to
75 lashes for possession of alcohol after he was caught with two chocolate
liqueurs at an airport.
12. A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an
examination to determine the cause of her daughter's swollen abdomen. It
only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant." The
mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that he must be
mistaken as her daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her
reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and
silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed, "Stop
looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?" "Yes, of course
I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a
star appeared in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they would
show up again and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant".
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